I’m 37 days sober today and doing pretty well. My husband still drinks and has no intention of stopping. He can control it better than I can most of the time. There are a few times he drinks too much but that is the exception, not the norm.
Does anyone have the experience of getting sober while someone you live with is not? Any tips?
Ya my wife still drinks. Sounds like she drinks like your husband. She was drinking a lot when I first quit. But now she’s basically just drinking wine. Except for tonight. She had some cocktails at dinner and now she’s asleep on the couch. But most of this year she’s been pretty good.
I’m a little over 500 days AF. We’ve been married 38 years and drinking together before then. We had a nice talk about me quitting. And she supports me but said she’s still going to drink. It’s my sobriety and I really wanted this and I’m doing it and it feels great! My story may be a lot different from yours. But all I know is it’s my sobriety and I cannot be responsible for anyone else’s sobriety. A lot of times I’m just grateful for the times we have together when she’s not drinking too much. I do the gratitude thread here everyday. It’s my strongest tool. Keep checking in. You’re worth all the benefits of a sober life. And who knows maybe it will rub off on him. There’s others like us around on here.
Oh and a great big congratulations on your 37 days. That’s huge!!
I live with a drinker who brews his own beer as a hobby and that has been a slippery slope for me. He also was always my drinking buddy in our almost 15 years together. So that’s been an adjustment and I’ve have plenty of slips as a result. I think it really takes open communication and willingness to figure out how to establish some new boundaries, such as asking your partner to not offer you alcohol, maybe even consuming alcohol outside the home if you need to go extreme. If they love you they will do what it takes. I know not every relationship is perfect, and it’s ultimately up to us to make the decision for ourselves. But it helps if your partner is on board and you can figure it out together. My husband does NOT want to call me an alcoholic. Ok. How about I have a drinking problem. Meet them where they are as you navigate this together.
I am 35 days in, so not far behind you! My husband still drinks. He doesn’t have any issues with just having a few beers. I havent been tempted… mostly because I know I am done (bit like flicking a switch at the moment) but also because I dont drink beer so I havent yet been in a situation where everyone around me is drinking what would of been my drink of choice - wine or GTs.
I am worried about these moments, socialising… lots of people. Will I still enjoy myself? Will I still be enjoyable to be around?
Are you finding it hard with your husband still drinking? Do you feel like he understands your situation and is supportive?
I am with you. I know I am done but I am most worried about socializing. That is where most of my drinking took place or at least started. I’ve gone out w people and just said I’m not drinking right now and had a mock tail. All of it was better than expected but still scary.
My husband still drinks. What’s been hard for me is that it can create anxiety for me the HE is drinking. He has definitely cut back quite a bit since I quit, and with a few exceptions, he is able to have a couple and stop. What has really helped me is the statement “ I am responsible for my sobriety and no one else’s”.
My husband still drinks. It was definitely hard in the beginning when I would watch him pour or smell his drink but it does get easier with time.
What you need to do is focus on your why. If you’re feeling like joining in you have to remember what brought you to this place. “Play the tape through.” Where will having a drink lead you?
When I did that, telling myself no was a lot easier to do.
YOU CAN DO IT
My husband still drinks, but he has always been a light drinker. Still we really dont talk about my not drinking. Yeah, my bad. We should.
Yes, I do! My husband also still drinks. I put together a few older threads on this topic…you may find them of interest…