I am now nearly four weeks sober having decided on 2 February to try to give up alcohol again after an awful alcohol fuelled bender on 1 February.
I have been thinking a lot about what drives my addiction to alcohol. I think one of my triggers is chronic loneliness and a feeling of emptiness.
I have never really had any close friends and I live alone. I am effectively estranged from my family aside from my mum and so my life feels empty and solitary most of the time.
These feelings can be crippling so I guess it stands to reason that the numbing effects of alcohol are a way I āself medicatedā over the years.
I am seeking to remedy this by building connections with contacts through AA.
Yes I definitely find that loneliness is a major trigger for me. I used to self medicate with alcohol and many other different substances. Whether I was with people or not I always knew that deep down I was really alone in this world. Now I have been clean for numerous amounts of time from different substances including alcohol but when I am by myself I do not feel lonely anymore. I am happy in my own company and I have the ability to build real more meaningful connections with those around me. I reach out for connections when I need and I finally feel part of the community around me. Keep going no matter what. The longer you go the easier thingās will get. Sure youāll still have hard timeās too but use it as fuel and motivation to keep moving forward. Just one step, one day at a time. You can do this!!
Loneliness was a huge trigger for me. The weird thing is i originally drank to be sober but towards the end of my addiction i was isolating which didnt help my feeling of lonliness.
I found my supports by connecting in ladies AA meetings, finding a sponsor, joining a gym, and putting myself in situations where i can be social
Absolutely. I havenāt had any close friends since college (30 years ago). When we graduated, we moved on. Iām usually chronically shy, until I get to know someone. Even when I drank, I did it alone. I identify with Dianaās feeling.
Loneliness is my biggest trigger. I would drink because I felt lonely, but If family or friends invited me anywhere I would always say no because I was hiding the fact that I was drinking so much and I isolated. The drinking was what was causing my loneliness . I just didnāt know it at the time.
Loneliness is also a hard one for me. I also am somewhat estranged from my family. But it doesnāt trigger me anymore. I had to learn to love my own company because for me, loneliness can come even when Iām around people. For me, loneliness comes from my desire to feel āseenā. But I learned that someone seeing who you are doesnāt happen all the time. It comes and goes just like everything else in life. My ego wants to be surrounded by people who āget meā because I donāt feel like Iām worth understanding. But thatās not a realistic goal or rational thinking.
I now have a few friends from a sobriety community app. Theyāre mostly around the country, but I can talk to someone when these tough feelings arise. I also have one āin real lifeā friend whoās better than any family.
But mostly, Iām working on loving me and understanding myself. The more I come to understand my wants and needs, the better and more confident I feel.
