Morning everyone. Currently at 334 days sober and counting…
Since I gave up, I’ve had a few family issues which resulted in me being off work for long periods, and then my company letting me go.
The overwhelming loneliness and anxiety has increased whilst I’ve been out of work (I have a new job which I start soon) and I’ve been to see my doctor and I’m now on a course of antidepressants - and I’ve continued going to the gym daily, which has definitely helped and physically I feel a lot better.
I feel like friends ( and certain family members ) no longer invite me to social gatherings because they know I don’t drink now, and I sit alone at home pretty much every night watching football or a box set.
In my past life when I felt a bit down on myself the answer would be to have a blowout / big night out / all day session.
But what do I do when I don’t have alcohol? Can anyone relate?
I don’t deal with alcohol myself but for me, replacing the time I used to spend with my addiction, I’ve found that socializing with new friends I’ve made (some from my addiction recovery groups, some from activities I’ve joined since starting my recovery) brings me a lot of satisfaction.
I’ve also dabbled in hobbies: carving, sketching. (“Dabble” is the key word, but still )
Basically as humans we want to connect and to create. I think those are two basic impulses we have. They show up differently - all of us have our ways of connecting and creating - but they are key.
Time to think out of the box, I think. The gym is great, you could check out local classes, the meetup app, volunteering.
And congrats on your days, that’s fabulous!
Hey friend - welcome back and DAMN 334 days AF! this is fantastic.
I am so sorry for all the stresses you are dealing with and on top of that how you are being excluded just for not wanting to drink.
Are you able to do meet ups in your area - create a new group of friends that are more with your speed and into similar interests?
I find that without alcohol i have more time for my own interests (with or without others) - i love to hike and kayak - knit and do puzzles. I enjoy movies and putt putt — the list is long and not all the activities involve company.
I do also engage heavily here on this site and have made some great virtual friends. You may want to do the same or possibly meet like minded individuals at meetings if that is of interest to you.
Hey pal, first of all congratulations on your sobriety - awesome!
I can definitely relate, I have had to leave behind certain friends. It turned out all we had in common was binge drinking on a Friday night, so there wasn’t much left.
If you’re managing to hit the gym so regularly you’re probably in pretty good shape- why not try a team sport? A lot of keen sports people don’t drink (or drink very lightly) so you might find that’s a natural place to start socialising?
I thought I’d add a little update to this post seeing as it relates to how I feel today.
I posted in the daily check-in thread and the sober selfies thread earlier and at that point I was feeling pretty good - was out at the gym, picked up some newspapers for my parents (my mum didn’t want my dad going out in the snow), and came home to relax.
In years gone by, I’d have been sitting with a few beers and a large bourbon on the rocks watching football/soccer, had a bet on some of the games - then headed out to meet friends at a local pub and continue celebrating the holiday season.
I was probably spending too much time in my own head today (if that makes sense) and suddenly hit a wall.
Sitting on my own watching sports as usual, but realising that I have zero plans to meet any of my “friends” over the holiday period. I suddenly got all anxious, worried and overwhelmingly lonely. I dunno what it is with me, it has happened a lot since I stopped drinking.
My kids are both in their 20s now and have their own lives, and my wife’s unwell long-term and doesn’t or can’t leave the house much.
I’m going to a gym class tomorrow morning, and that will hopefully help my mental state.
Hey friend…so sorry for the lateness in reply…I missed your post.
How are you feeling today?
It can feel lonely and disassociate from life when you leave your addict behavior behind and find yourself with free time on your hands.
Are you able to hang with friends doing a hike or gaming or ? Doing something that doesn’t resolve around drinking.
I do hope that the gym session helped you.
Please never apologize for venting. This is the place to vent. We are here for the good, the bad and the in between
You make a really valid point. Sobriety can be lonely. I lost 80% of my “friends” when I gave up drinking. My phone rings less but for that I am grateful.
I really don’t miss drunken conversations and regrets over the things I might have said on a boozy day out.
I think I am happy lonely these days. I might be starting to like my own company.
Coming here was the exact right thing to do. Way to talk it out.
Just a shout out to say how awesome you are doing. Sports is a great hobby and I’m obsessed with footie too… But it’s not always engaging (I find). You can be quite passive and mentally drift off during a boring match or whatever. Maybe something you can focus on, like art, make something? I don’t know if you like that kind of thing. True focus helps me rather than passive viewing.
I find if I’m truly focused then time just flies by. I also need to find something I love doing!
A couple of days ago I wrote a post like yours, I too feel lonely. I miss real connection, people I can be myself with.
My family is religious (and I’m not), so our relation is quite superficial. My social life with friends existed around drinking/the bar. Seeing friends is now reduced to once a week at the most and for only a short time because I get bored quick when they drink. I get waaaay less invited. I feel this time of year makes it more visible too.
I’m a introvert pur sang, so meeting new people is kind of an challenge. But I understand I have to put in the work.
Gym is always good, I hope you find some meaningful connections with non drinkers Marty!
@JazzyS - I went to watch my team with my youngest son yesterday and had a good day (we won), so that has helped lift my spirits a bit. Most of the guys and girls I travel to the games with were drinking but I didn’t feel any temptation at all. Gym sessions have been helping but I’m also wary of overtraining ( I’m not so young anymore ).
@TrustyBird - Sobriety has been a lonely journey for me a lot of the time, but I value that sobriety more than I do the days & nights out and the nexy day “fear” of what happened or what was said the night before. I definitely don’t miss that - blacking out after I got to a certain level was one of my major issues that led to me giving up.
@Tragicfarinelli - Now that the holidays are coming to an end I am due to go back to work on Wednesday. It’ll be good to see my colleagues (some of them anyway ) and will help me get out of my own head!
@Naomi - Totally relate with most of what you’re feeling. My parents are very religious - God and I had a bit of a falling out when a series of events involving my wife and kids occurred, so while I attend weddings, baptisms, funerals etc I tend not to attend my local church regularly. The friends I associate with at the moment are those I work out with, or attend sports events with. I definitely don’t get invited to much anymore.
As I said above I will hopefully perk up when I’m back in the office, but I do realise that I have to find something else to fill my downtime with - that won’t affect my relationship with my family.
I can totally understand the fear of overtraining. Glad you got out and were able to enjoy yourself without temptation.
Wednesday is not far off, I do hope that the normal routine will help.
I can relate to this. Are you interested in joining any meet ups in the area? I’ve found some great people to hang out with this way.
Happy New Years Eve! I do hope you have a fabulous day
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engaging (I find). You can be quite passive and mentally drift off during a boring match or whatever. Maybe something you can focus on, like art, make something? I don’t know if you like that kind of thing. True focus helps me rather than passive viewing.
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) and will help me get out of my own head!