Today marks my 45th day sober. I tied my previous time which was 8 months ago. Tomorrow will be the longest I have ever been sober from stimulants, pharmaceutical or street, since I was 4.
This is also the part where inside I have felt nothing for a week and half. The emptiness means there is no happiness or sadness. There is no sway. The last time I relapsed was because I just wanted to feel something. The cravings are extra heightened in the past couple days.
I don’t want to do drugs. I do want to feel again though…
At six weeks, your body and mind have probably started healing. Trouble is, us addicts and alcoholics want instant results, that’s a part of why we used. A friend of mine talks about “microwave sobriety”, as in “Cmon, where’s my damn burrito, I haven’t got all minute!”.
Certain healing comes quickly and some comes slowly. For instance, after I quit drinking my clarity of mind began to return within a month. But my guts didn’t work right for at least 18 months.
If you wanna feel an emotion, hit up an AA or NA meeting, live is better but virtual will do. Honest sharing will touch you sooner than you expect. Or, listen to some country music. There’s fierce pride and deep sadness and joy in life’s small moments at that end of the dial.
Get to bed sober to rise and greet day 46. That is a serenity you will come to treasure.
Congratulations! Great accomplishment. Being a meth addict in recovery, but struggling, I understand how are it can be to stay clean. Your words are helping me. Thank you.
Have you spoken with a doctor. If you were on meds at an early age, it might be best.
If you’ve spent that long being “sped up” as you put it then now is going to feel totally different.
Maybe look at doing things where you can start to learn to feel things.
Ride a bike down hill fast, there’s thrill there. Watch a sad movie, there’s sadness there.
Learn how these emotions and feelings affect you.
As Dan said, it’s not an overnight cure.
My DOC is alcohol and I was numb for a good 6 weeks after stopping a daily, all day drinking habit.
But I do suggest maybe seeing a doctor as well.
