…I am having a hard time with my anxiety right now and wanting to drink so bad. I had went 21 days sober and then drank one night and I have been now 16 days sober. My boyfriend just came back from Iraq for work, ex military. He is home for two months. He knows I have a drinking problem and at times I think he does to like some military or ex military men do. He doesn’t. I never tell him I think he does bc he handles his drinking very well. But, when he drinks he drinks a lot!! We had a discussion about this three months ago before his last trip when he left me about how much he drinks, and all day putting me off to the side as a second priority to drinking. He treats his trips home like a vacation. My life doesn’t stop, I don’t get a break from my daily life. He thinks it’s ok too. He said he would do it again. 4 days home now and he drank all day yesterday and blew me off on numerous accounts. He said I was so pissed from our argument so I kept drinking. (4 am in our house). You don’t think I am dying to have a drink right now with my anxiety and blood pressure through the roof? I feel like I am being taken for granted and I put my life on hold when he leaves me months at a time and when he comes home he doesn’t understand that. I feel like I am wrong at times with this and maybe I am not understanding something, but at the same tome I feel like I am not. Please anything would be great to hear right now…Thank you!
I meant to say * he said he WOULD NOT do it again, but 4 days in he did.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I don’t have a lot of experience with your situation, but when my wife and I were going through troubles we went to marriage counseling. If nothing else it showed us how to communicate properly.
I don’t know if you have ever sought counseling for yourself, but it may help. I know you can get through this. 
Usually, honestly we communicate very well because we only see each other anywhere from 2wks-2months at a time. We don’t have that luxury to waste on fighting when he is gone for 2-3 months at a time. Counseling could help. I am never opposed. I feel like he doesn’t understand my life still goes on over here day to day and he just does what he wants and not thinking about it the other way around. When I am waiting for him to come and spend quality time with him and being taken for granted. He goes to work over seas, doesn’t have the every day life grind we do with work and everything , then he comes home to “vacation”
Okay, I know you’re hurting and he doesn’t understand. Is there any chance you or he are not communicating what you need? Or are doing it from a place of frustration and anger rather than loving and understanding. There is no chance that you or he are expecting the other to mind read? I’m in no way saying that I know either of you or your dynamic. All I’m asking is: do you think there is a way for you to communicate to him your feelings and expectations where he might be able to fully understand where you are coming from. Again, I’m sorry you’re going through all this. I wish I could make it better.
I’m really sorry to hear that. I don’t have much experience in your case to be honest, but I just want to say that I’m stand with you. You’re not alone in this. We all in this forum support you. Be strong, you can get through this!
That is definitely I a good way to look at it. I am probably not saying what I really need to say to him and how I feel about everything, possibly. I am probably coming from a place of anger and hurt and feelingbof disappointment.
That makes complete sense to me. When I am hurt and angry I really like to hang on to those feelings and it is hard to let them go and see something from someone else’s perspective. The fact that you even said there’s a possibility that you might not be communicating your needs well is huge! Give yourself a pat on the back for that.
I usually have to write my feelings down and make a speech sort of so that I make sure I get everything out and I don’t get too worked up. If I lashed out at my wife I usually start with an apology and explain the things I was feeling- not using them as an excuse but identifying them so I know how to behave when they come up again.
I identify any unspoken expectations and understand that my wife cannot read my mind no matter how long we have known each other or how many times I’ve told her something in the past. “You should just know” is no longer a part of our vocabulary.
I hope that some of this stuff helps. A lot of this I got from a book called “Why Can’t You Read My Mind?” by someone Gardner? I don’t remember the author but it is an awesome book and really helped me out a lot. Counseling helped out too. I wish you well!
Wow that is such food advice and really resonates with me right now. I need to get myself a copy of that book!
@LeeLee16 that sounds tough and I am not surprised you are feeling hurt by this. I know I would.
There are a few threads on here about partners who still drink which might be helpful for you.
Edit, the fabulous @SassyRocks has already pulled them together:
Does your partner still drink? Some threads you may find helpful