As my cousins birthday comes closer I find myself wanting to throw it all away so I don’t “feel” I had emotions and I’m an extremely sensitive emotional person. I don’t want to feel these emotions anymore. I’ve deleted everything I could to make it harder. Talking it out here in hopes that I will be better. Wednesday is the final goodbye he passed 2 years this December and his birthday is on Wednesday. I’m so lost.
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Honor his birthday by being sober…
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I’m so sorry for your loss. I believe you can do this! Feelings are temporary and in the worst of times it’s good to remember that. You can get through this sober. Good job coming here for support! Keep coming back - we’re all here for one another.
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Very sorry for your loss Frances. Life can be cruel and hard. Yet we are so much stronger and resilient than we think. And throwing away your sobriety wouldn’t help. That’s lies addiction is telling you. Addiction sees its chance when we’re at our most vulnerable. Addiction isolates and kills. Keep connected instead. Glad you are here Frances. You’re not alone. 
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I am sorry for your loss. Losing those close to us cuts deep and really hurts for a long time.
Maybe bereavement counseling can help process your grief. Insurance usually covers most of the cost and sometimes yoir employer may have an EAP you can utilize at no cost to you.
I know drinking or drugging only suppresses emotions and they will come out,.often manifesting as other nasty emotions,.as.painful as as it is, its best to handle sober.
I wish you well.
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I am so sorry you lost someone close to you. Honor them and yourself by taking good care of yourself. That is, I’m certain, what they would want for you. You can do this. Emotions run deep, I’m also a very emotional personal, but we can learn tools to manage them and handle these feelings as they arise that don’t require numbing solutions that alcohol or other drugs do to us. They honestly just delay the feelings and leave them for another day and they build and build. Take this moment to take a breath. Remember your loved one and your happy memories. Try writing them down. Try talking to someone else who knew them if you can. I’m so so glad you came here to talk about it with us. Big big hugs.
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Sorry for your loss but lifting a drink wont help my identical twin brother Frank passed away 3 years yesterday sad time but life goes on ,ive lost three brothers and my fav cousin and my dear Aunt in the last 6 years , never thought that drink would solve anything , i took some flowers to put on his grave had a chat about thing in general keeping him up to date with the family .wish you well
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You have been doing so well Frances - 48 days and counting … and I have faith that you are strong enough to honor his birthday without drinking. You could instead pay tribute by doing something that your cousin would’ve loved.
If it does get too emotional, you can come here and talk it out with us, go to a meeting or feel the feelings and know it is okay to feel sad. Drinking will not help the feelings or the situation any.
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I am sorry for all your heart ache and loss. Honor him by staying sober. This is something good in your life. Maintain and keep it. Lots of support for your here as you know.
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