Losing a best friend

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Hi everyone,

Tonight I am struggling not to grab the bottle but I I I came across this app, so I’m going to start by using this as an outlet.
Long story but I try to shorten it for you all… 5 years ago i left my best friend who was struggling with bipolar disorder in nz to start a new life in Australia.
I found my now husband, brought a house, living in a small isolated town still keeping in contact with my bestie nearly every day. No one understood me like she did she was like my sister.
Life got hard, I had a miscarriages, 2 ectopic pregnancies and alot of my friends had left town to find work elsewhere, the didn’t have a mortgage so it was much easier for them to get up and go.
I was always in touch with my bestie, going back to nz at least once a year and spending most of my time with her rather than family… She was like family.
Last year she lost her battle with her own mind and took her own life, 3 months later i got married. One bridesmaid down. I’ve been struggling with her death ever since.
I hit the bottle hard, my husband hardly knows how much I would drink as he works away for weeks at a time and that doesn’t help with the loneliness.
A few weeks ago we hit the “year since it happened” mark and I thought from now It would help me slow up on my drinking… It didn’t.
However, last week we went to the doctor for information on why we weren’t getting pregnant… Turns out i have high blood pressure and I’m not producing enough eggs and now the doctor is talking about Ivf.
I know my drinking needs to stop because i really want to start a family… but I get so bored and lonely and drunk me is kind of exciting and at that moment i feel happy and forget about everything. I would be drinking at least 3 Bottles of vodka a week.
Anyway… This was meant to me a short story haha sorry!! For those of you still reading, thanks!
I’m only on day 5 but for me that’s good believe me!

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@Kiwiinoz hey thanks for sharing. Sorry to hear about your loss. I totally empathize with you. You are on the right track though as this forum has really helped me. Take one day at a time and remember you are amongst others that have your back sending positive vibes ur way. Surround yourself with a good support system. The road that lay ahead is not easy but u have chosen the right path… :laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing:

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@Kiwiinoz I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I just found out last night at my regular AA meeting that a friend I had made in the fellowship, Helen, was found dead in her home the day before. She had just called me 6 days ago. She struggled with alcohol and pills and just could not stay sober no matter how much we all tried to help. She would cry to me about boredom and loneliness, 2 things that are major triggers for many of us, me included. I applaud you for taking the first step and putting down the bottle, getting on here and sharing your story. I need a fellowship to be accountable too, people that will notice when I haven’t been around for a few days and check on me. That’s one of the many gifts AA has given me. Hang in there dear and keep sharing and don’t drink. Do whatever it takes not to pick up that first drink. You are not alone in this!!:heart::sunflower:⚘:comet: