I had to say goodbye to an old high school friend that I hadn’t seen in about 13 years. The last time we talked wasn’t the greatest. I just always assumed he and that group of friends would always be around and so making amends could wait.
I got to see that group of friends at the funeral home where the eulogies were held. None of them wanted to talk to me. One of them even gave me a frustrated, “What the fuck are you doing here,” greeting. I explained I just wanted to pay my respects and to say hi to old friends.
They all looked exactly the same as the last time I had seen them. Same hair. Same clothes. Same girlfriends. I don’t think they understand how much I have changed. I’m not the obnoxious gross loser drunk they once knew anymore. One guy, Randy is his name, did have a brief conversation with me and gave me his Instagram contact info, so that was nice.
My goal is to somehow, over time, make amends to him and to Chris and Jon and Cooper for treating them like they were losers, when it was me who was the loser. I was far and deep in the throes of alcoholism when we parted ways. I was a total asshole to them because of differences in personal beliefs and lifestyle choices. I really cannot blame them at all for how they reacted to my presence.
The primary mission of paying respect to Georgie and his family was accomplished. The secondary mission of reconnecting with old friends could have gone better. I hope in time they can forgive me and that our children (or grandchildren) can play together.
One part of me wants to believe that growing up and growing apart is just a natural curve of life over time. The other says it doesn’t have to be that way. I sent Randy a message stating my intentions - “I’m not saying we have to be best friends and wipe each others butts or anything… I would just prefer to be on good terms with everyone.”
The burden of being human 
I suppose all I can do is be patient and hope for a response.
Thanks for letting me share.