Losing myself to alcohol as my dad is severely ill

Im new to here. I dont have any other friends that are alcoholics. I need support from people that have been or are currently alcoholics. My best friend…my dad is severely ill and might not make it within a few months. Could even be days. Hes always been an alcoholic when i grew up. He was never at all abusive and he was functional. He made enough money so my mom didnt have to work. I have 2 older sisters and an older brother. Im 39 but still the baby of the family. I use to be disgusted seeing my dad drink and passed out when i was in my 20s. Long story short. I was married for almost 3 years but with my ex for over 15 years. Once i ended the marriage due to infidelity on his part. I lost it. Moved back with my parents 5 years ago. It brought me closer to my dad but being around people that drink made me want to start. And so i did. Ive been drinking since i was 34 and yeah it brought me and my dad sooooo close. We are the best of friends. My dad 3 years ago got diagnosed with kidney failure and liver cirrhosis. Hes on dialysis 3 times a week. He use to be able to walk. But now he is bed ridden and cant even walk anymore and currently in a nursing home. Although i love i got to spend time with my dad and get so close. It breaks my heart that the reason he is sick is because he was an alcoholic. And ive turned into one too. Alcohol has cost me losing jobs and friendships. I can’t blame my father as i am an adult and i made the wrong choice to start drinking with him after my divorce. Im on a leave of absence from work and go back in 2 weeks due to helping my mom take care of my dad bedore he went to the nursing home. Whats sucks is that hes only approved there for 3 weeks total. And he doesnt qualify for transportation. Seeing my best friend parent die is making me lose it so i turn to the bottle and dont know how to stop. Im scared because the last time i had blood work, they told me im overloaded with iron. I dont want to end up like my dad. My mom still needa me and its taken a toll on her as well seeing me drunk everyday. I want to stop. Just dont know how to cope because at this point i feel if when my dad passes away ill only have the bottle to numb my pain. Im also scared because the last several months when i wake up. The first thing i think about is drinking. I wont even eat some days because i want to feel the full effect of alcohol and just wanna be by myself. I know i have a problem. I wish i could go to rehab but my insurance doesnt cover it…please. any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thank you

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Welcome to the community. There will be lots of links and suggestions forthcoming so stick around.
I’m so sorry about your father. You’re asking for help to quit alcohol.
Yes, it will be best for you and a good way to go through this sad time in your family’s life. Your father will feel grateful that you will not follow in his footsteps/unfortunate circumstances.
Glad you’re looking for help.

Again others will come and post specific links from the site that will be helpful.
Here’s a start.

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Welcome to this community, you will get tons of great advice of that I am sure.

I’m so sorry for the situation your dad and family are in, that’s going to be hard. What I do know is you will do better going through this sober and will be able to help your mom and dad out much more so not under the influence.

I really hope you find all the support, love and strength to find your way through this.

Stay checking in and reading as this place is a wealth of help!

:heart::pray:t2:

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Welcome to Talking Sober, this is a good safe place to be when you are trying to not drink.

Lots of us have gotten sober during tough circumstances. What I found was that it wasn’t the people or situations in my life that kept me drunk, it was that crushing compulsion.

The first thing i think about is drinking. I wont even eat some days because i want to feel the full effect of alcohol

Just like that, that’s how it was for me too. The link above is very helpful to understand how addiction and sobriety works. Here’s some threads about how people here got sober and have stayed sober.

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Thanks soooo much for your response. From a stranger and showing me positivity. I cant get that support from my mom or my siblings because they are at their wits end with me continuing to drink. Wow. I actually feel heard

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Thank you sooooo much for your response. I was getting anxiety no one responded right away. I do need help. And just getting a simple response on this app is making me feel hopeful. I appreciate you

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Thank you for your positivity. I feel these chats will help me. I appreciate you

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If you wish to get the support you require, this is definitely a place that can help.
Obviously some face to face counseling and or a local AA meet could be hugely beneficial as well.
Just know that many people here have been in similiar situations and there advice is invaluable.

Please do, when you feel overwhelmed, read through posts recommended and or just peruse subjects that interest you. I am day 40 into my sobriety after 40 years of problematic drinking and I owe much of my recovery to these fine folks.

Reach out whenever and about whatever you wish to share, ask or just vent.

Best wishes :heart:

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Welcome here,

You already got a lot of info from other members, the “2 year sober and how to get there” tread is even mine. Still sober so for me it still works. Checking here every day was a big part of my recovery as well as walking in nature to get distracted. I would advice you to go to AA meetings ore visit one online. I think you can use some extra help because life isn’t easy for you now.

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