Hello all im checking in, im loving myself today because thats what my husband wanted me to lesrn to do while i was at rehab so for this journey im on all alone now im going to love myself and my son to the best of my sober ablility! Im 32 days clean and 20 days in i lost my husband my everything to an overdose in which i feel responsible for because i got him high before i left and thought he was strong enough not to use anymore. He wasnt he died on the 13th of this month and on top of having a 5yr old son i became sole provider for i rolled our only vehicle before i went to rehab and just now went to get xrays and now im going to the hospital at 8 to meet an anesthesia nurse to discuss the risky surgery they have to do to fix my broken neck! Lots of prayers! AND IT COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE!
I just want to give a shout out to MY GOD for loving me enough to put me away for “safe keeping”(thats what my husband dave use to say when i went to rehab or jail) his good buddy jesus put me there to keep me safe for him. How i wish to God that id have made him go w me to rehab. He would be w me and this life wouldnt be so lonely or scary to go on with, as i sit here crying and missing him hating to go to the hospital for this surgery o know in my heart he is looking down and giving me yhe strenght to move on. I love him heart mind body and soul and feel like this pain is NEVER going to go away. To be totaly honest idk if i want it to because its my drining force to do better! …sorry for the book guys just really needed to get that off my chest!!
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That is such a lot you have been through. And sounds like more is to come. Being sober and clean is definitely the only way to face and deal with it all. If sharing helps at all, then share away. Sending strength and peace 
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I’m very sorry to hear about your husband. You definitely have a lot on your plate. I’m glad you’re here. 
No need to apologize, you are sharing what’s happening with you and that’s what this place is all about. Best wishes for the surgery and I agree, there’s a bigger project going on here, the beginning of a new chapter, a different chapter, in your life. There is lots to be grateful for 
i hear you, i’m sorry for your loss, be brave