Fentanyl was my #1 drug of choice in my addiction. I’m from Vancouver, Canada where fentynal is a huge problem. It comes in on the tankers into the harbour from china where it is funnelled out East to Alberta and onto Ontario.
I was a slave to fent in my addiction for years. I had a love/hate relationship with it in the beginning but it quickly turned into a deep hatred for the drug. I remember the night my boyfriend and I got dopesick for the first time and we knew we were fucked. We smoked it and that was our life every day for 2 years. We lost everything, became homeless and had to turn to crime to support ourselves.
The whole reason we started smoking fentynal was because of our crack addiction. We would be up for a week at a time with little to no sleep and would go just as long without eating anything. We hated the way it affected us and our relationship.
In the beginning it felt like a warm hug, or like sinking into a hot bath. It helped up sleep again and eat again and fuck again. But all that quickly stopped once we got caught in the cycle of being dopesick.
Today I’m 1 week away from being 6 months clean. Sadly my boyfriend is still out there. I go find him from time to time to remind him that he is loved no matter what and that I’m here for him when he’s ready to get clean. I know I wouldn’t have been able to get out of it if I didn’t have family to help me. I’m thankful he has me and I have him.
Despite everything that fentynal and crack and all the rest of my addiction did to me, to us, to my family, to my life…I honestly wouldn’t change any of it. Today I am so grateful for my recovery and I know I wouldn’t be growing into the amazing woman I am today if I hadn’t of gone through all that I did.
For anyone reading this, know that you’re not alone in your struggles, know that you’re not doomed and you CAN recovery. If you have a loved one who is still struggling, the hardest part is knowing there is nothing you can say or do to change their situation, they have to make that choice for themselves. Just keep letting them know that you love them, set your boundaries and pray for them.
I’m new to this support community so if you can relate to my story, I would love to hear your experience, strength and hope
Welcome Jordan and congrats on quitting one of the hardest drugs out there. I was addicted to oxy’s so I know that dope sick feeling all too well. I lost a lot during addiction too and glad to be so far removed from that lifestyle.
Here’s a great thread that one of our long time forum members started. Maybe you can jump on there and help support others while they support you too.
I want to welcome you and thank u for sharing some of ur story. It really brought me back to old times. Not that I ever used fentanyl but I used meth for years and one night I couldn’t handle the withdrawl of meth after using for days and days and I wanted to kill myself (due to the physical effects & not eating or sleeping for days on end), and I ended up using a needle one time (a dirty needle at that) of hydromorphine as my “cure” to how I was feeling. I was hooked. I did whatever I could to get my next fix from that moment on and to prevent the dopesickness. I could have and should have been homeless but due to my experiences already at that time as a sex trade worker and the particular group of people I knew, I ended up continuing to turn tricks even more to support my habit. I did get clean from hydromorphine later on. Left my hometown and my abusive ex. Moved thousands of miles away to Calgary alberta. Where I got involved in a 7 year addiction to crack. And now am at 139 days clean. Ur story just really hit me. I know there are differences but ur strength and courage and honor to urself and ur fight and drive for a better life inspires me I’m grateful ur here and it’s courageous to share ur story. Thank u so much! Hugs!
Thank you so much for sharing some of your story with me! I’m so grateful to hear of your experience. I can relate to some similarities in your story as well. That feeling of doing anything to get and use more, the feeling of scrambling for anything to take away the feeling of wanting to die, I can even relate to trying a geographic change in hopes of it improving my situation only to get caught up in a whole other hell. Crazy actually because I also moved to Calgary and also fell into the crack scene out there as well! Wild similarity!
I’m so so proud of you for choosing to fight for your life. Recovery is a we program, not a me program. We can’t do this on our own. Keep reaching out and sharing your story because you will be a light at the end of the tunnel for someone just like you have been for me.
Thank you
I’m grateful ur here and it’s courageous to share ur story. Thank u so much! Hugs!