This morning i did a line again. i want to be honest here… the only place i can be. ive been using every weekend for a month now. it starts with a drink and then i do meth. im going through a nasty custody battle with my ex and he fucks with my head so often i cant think straight so i go out and drink. then use. hes so emotionally abusive. just last week he compared me to the two girls he chose over me. he said they have more drive than i do. that im a failure bc i live in sober living. and now im just spiraling out of control…
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I just wanted to tell you that I used meth for about 10 months when I couldn’t find any weed. Stupid I know but I’m now almost 7 years clean. Was in a bad state of mind mentally as well but you CAN rise above it. It’s especially helpful that you know that a few drinks is leading you to use. You know you got to put that stuff down. Hope you stick around.
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i think its the fact that i cant accept that my sons dad hates me. he looks at me like im scum of the earth. he dates these other girls who are not doing any better than i am and he treats them so good. he wont even attempt to be kind to me
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I’m really sorry to hear that. I’ve been there too and I know how hurtful that can be. Don’t let that define how you see yourself. It’s a trap that will keep you using. You are worth so much more. Nobody is worth doing that to yourself. Meth will make you feel worthless. 
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sorry you are going through tough times
sounds like the father of your child is a big narcicist. sounds like you crave love, caring and understanding where none is to be found. sounds a bit like codependent patterns.
you are ok, be kind to yourself, focus on yourself and strengthen your inner boundaries. what he does or says is not your problem nor is it relevant. besides of childcare.
using makes everything worse. there are times we just have to sit with our feelings. Try it, feelings don’t eat us up, that’s an illusion. They pass. Take a shower, eat healthy, bite into an apple like you would bite into the ex’s ass when you think of him. Then turn to yourself again and give yourself a smile. It’s the little things that get us through the days. Minute by minute. ODAAT
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Welcome to the community 
After my last relationship ended(3 years ago), there was absolutely no contact between us, but I still couldn’t get him out of my head. Everyday I drank to deal with the anger and hatred he left inside me. It wasn’t until I quit drinking (1.5 years later), that I was finally able to start letting go and begin healing. Almost immediately.
Sobriety made me realize just how sick he really is. Someone who needs to put others down to feel better is actually completely miserable on the inside. They shift attention away from themselves to hide this fact. Learning about narcissism and ways to deal with it was a pivotal moment for my relationship. They want reactions. They need to see the destruction they’re causing. When you don’t give them any, you take away their power.
Don’t believe his lies. In time, he’ll be treating those other girls the exact same way. It’s not you, it’s him. Keep your chin up(and nose clean), and things will get better 
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I have a narcissistic ex like this who’s also the father of my daughter. do not let him define or belittle your recovery people like that do not belong in the hearts of us . Remember No one can take your inventory but YOU !sending love to you today .you can do this and keep his sadistic opinions away from your recovery and do not argue with him that gives him ammunition and power we’ve got you and we believe in you 
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“What other people think of you, is none of your business”. Something I struggle with terribly myself. But you have to separate yourself from your ex’s opinion so it cannot affect you. Getting sober is hard enough, without letting someone else get into your head. You focus on you.
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You’re exactly right 
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I agree with Laura here 
I know it’s a nightmare and I’m so sorry you’re living in that hell. 
Think of those other women as his next victims. It’s only a matter of time before he slowly chips away at their self worth and then some.
Think of this as your opportunity to be away from somebody so poisonous.
hugs You’ve got this.
He can’t break you. 
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I felt this in my soul 
im struggling and have been for awhile now and lying to my sister and everyone.
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I often tell others that the true symptoms of alcoholism are : lying, cheating, and stealing.
Not what and how much someone drank !!
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thank you vuys so much for all the support!!!
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Come clean to your sister it will make your soul feel better