Was sort of on the brink of relapsing… Made a milestone which was oddly triggering.
My goal was to get to 10 days. Then I went to an AA meeting. I was on a high. I felt great. Opened up. Then got stressed
Then talked myself into a beer. I made the goal. I made the ten days. But I know that’s not good. I know I fucked up.
Then got some bad news about someone I knew that… Passed away. From Fetanol
And that two beers turned to four. But I’m done. I dumped the.other beers and am going to go to another meeting. I’m just sad, mad and going through too many emotions
But you have proven that you can string ten days of sobriety in a row. You’ve held yourself accountable. Now recommit and get back after it.
I quit counting the 2,3,5, days I’ve had that peppered my last relapse. Prior to that, the longest stretch was about 3 months. I don’t know why I went back to drinking, all those previous times, but I know why I won’t ever give myself permission to drink, ever again.
So set your goal to be sober for life. Sobriety is simple: Don’t drink. Simple, but not easy. I’d never argue that it is easy. Each morning I commit to not drink this day. Each night I give thanks for not drinking.
If at first you don’t succeed, try try again! It’s worth it! I’m terrible for that myself. I stop for awhile and start feeling great, then since I’m feeling great I drink again, because I have a new sense of control which I quickly lose again. I was a year sober 8 months ago, now I’m back to day 3. It sucks to start a ground zero but try to think of what you get out of it. The days don’t matter, your life does, and even one day sober is a step in the right direction. Keep it up!
