Very proud of you for not going to the party - that’s something I’ve always struggled with as a perpetual people pleaser.
Hate to say it, but these people don’t sound like real friends to me. I had a friend for 10 years and thought we were inseparable, turns out I only wanted to be around them, and them me, when we were using. I’ve recently cut them off as I feel I’ve outgrown them, especially with my sobriety.
Real friends don’t enable each other. It’s an easy way to fall back into bad habits, so be careful about opening up avenues with them.
thank you for that advice! i think i can maintain a relationship with them individually, but meeting up as a group is a no go for a long time because when we’re all together is when things get bad.
I went thru that with my friends and with my husband. No one was wanting to push alcohol or drugs on me, not at all. But it was a real challenge for them to understand that if I was going around it, I was likely going to eventually give in and do it. I just did not have any sober muscles yet or solid coping techniques. I hadn’t yet learned the tools I needed to honor myself and choice to not drink or do coke.
We have to advocate and take care of ourselves and that can mean missing get togethers and not going to parties and such. It isn’t just a change for us, but also for friends and family and it takes time for all of us to adjust and for them to understand. And in all honesty, some will never get it and that is okay. It is also okay to give yourself A LOT of time away from gatherings. Glad you didn’t go!
thank you i definitely think next time im going to make it clear that i cant be around alcohol. so if we make plans they need to be sober plans or i wont be there!
I love taking walks or yoga classes together. Or coffee dates. Tho I don’t do a lot of those…I am working on doing more. Glad you are putting you first!!
Maybe consider being alone for a time, like 6 months. You’ll get stronger in sobriety, and you just might find they were drinking buddies and using buddies, rather than friends.
yeah i think this is what will end up happening realistically. I think i’ll give them one more chance at having a sober get together and if it ends up partying then i’ll have to cut them off
Yup, I lost a lot of folks who I thought were my friends in early sobriety, just to find out they weren’t really my friends anyway but at the time it was all I had… However over time I ended up finding a circle of people with whom I ended up much closer because there was a mutual trust and none of that selfishness and playing around nonsense. #ODAAT
i definitely think next time im going to make it clear that i cant be around alcohol. so if we make plans they need to be sober plans or i wont be there!