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Lauralivingsober that reminds me of a joke. What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted. 
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A guy asked a girl in the library.
“Do you mind if I sit beside you?”
The girl answered with a loud voice.
“I don’t want to spend the night with you.”
All the students in the library started staring at the guy and he was embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and told him.
“I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”
The guy responded with a loud voice.
“$200 just for one night? That’s too much”
And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the boy whispered in her ears.
I study law and I know how to make someone guilty.”
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A boy goes to confession.
“Bless me father. I have been with a loose girl.”
The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”
“Yes, Father, it is.”
“And who was the girl you were with?”
“I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”
“Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”
“I cannot say.”
“Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?”
“I’ll never tell.”
“Was it Nina Capelli?”
“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”
“Was it Cathy Piriano?”
“My lips are sealed.”
“Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?”
“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”
The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”
“Four months vacation and five good leads!”
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I’m a recovering Catholic! My 85 year old mother sent me that. She is a hoot.
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My Dad is 80… He loved it too.
Crack me up.
That’s the point of the thread…we need a few laughs, eh?? Glad Dad liked it. 
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Nooooooooo!!!
Lord help us 
Omg, awesome!
A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding…
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer : Ma’am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer : Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer : Don’t have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer : I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer : Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer : Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer : You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer2 : Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
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Woke this morning to a book falling on my head…
I’ve no one to blame but my shelf.
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Were you ready to fight that book?
Lol
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I bought these shoes off a drug dealer.
I dont know what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day!!!
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Lol… good one
Husband…I got hit in the head with a soda can.
Wife…Did it hurt?
Husband…No it was a SOFT DRINK!
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Hahaha… cute one