My Dr told me I’m sweet.
Well her exact words where “extremely diabetic” but yeah I knew what she meant
On the other hand my Dr. Is kinda hot… 
4 Likes
A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers: “Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?”
The husband laughs and says: “A gorgeous Italian girl!”
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: “So, honey, how was the trip?”
“Very good, thank you.”
“And, what happened to my present?”
“Which present?” She asked.
“The one I asked for – a gorgeous Italian girl!”
“Oh, that” she said, “Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl!”
16 Likes
Dear Algebra,
Please dont ask me to find your X.
Shes not coming back please dont ask Y
10 Likes
Your such a nerd ( term of endearment from me) I love it.
1 Like
That’s kinda the only way I understand mathematics 
2 Likes
I am a nerd,
Wanna see my bug collection?
5 Likes
A husband goes with his wife to her high school reunion
After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored.
The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance. There’s a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon walking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works.
Wife turns to her husband and says, “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”
Husband says: “Looks like he’s still celebrating!!!”
Husband will be out of the hospital next week.
12 Likes
That is such a Dad joke
Me two,
I learnt Pythagoras’ theorem: :
The squaw on the hide of the hippopotamus is equal to the son of the squaws on the other two hides.
1 Like
If you have seven apples and I have a knife. Who has the apples now?
1 Like
Not enough information,
What is your intention with the knife?
What If the possessor of the apples has a battle axe?
1 Like
We’ll use your knife to cut the apples up and make a pie to share 
1 Like
OK, I’ll reword that.
If you have seven apples and I have a knife and you are fatally struck by lightning. Who has the apples now?
1 Like
Ya’ll are something else, lol. I just woke up and needed some lifting up 
I’m laughing on the inside
3 Likes
Ok that’s a better solution,
However if I’m fatally struck by lightning will the apples be ruined? Would you still want those apples? Let’s do the math show your work,
Fury + 7 apples > Piglet + knife + 0 apples
Fury struck by lightning Fatality from Raiden
Apples + Fury = Apple Crisp
Apple Crisp + Piglet + Knife = Dessert
6 Likes
Alternatively, if Piglet is also struck. The solution could be a pork and apple main course instead of a dessert. 
+ 
+ 
= 
3 Likes
I LOVE PORKCHOPS AND APPLES. Yummy!
1 Like
A boy went to his mom to ask for money:
SON: Mom, I need some money to buy a bicycle MOM: What do you think I am made of money?SON: Isn’t that what MOM stands for?
5 Likes
Good one Fred…