What colour is a burp?
BURPLE!!!
(insert face palm here)
Happy to oblige. 
Did you hear the one about the dyslexic Athiest?
He refused to believe in Dog.
How did Jeffery Dahmer’s Mom punish him when he was bad?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
What kind of hors d’ouvres did Jeffrey Dahmer serve his guests at parties?
Finger sandwhiches.
The Dalai Lama went to the dentist to have a tooth filled. The dentist offered him Novacaine, but refused it.
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
This weekend I got a chair massage…
My recliner is feeling a lot less tense now.
Do you know why the teenager jumped out of the boat? Pier pressure!
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Funny thing is
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When a person says ill keep this story short
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Speaks for a long time
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A Nun And A Priest Crossing Sahara Desert On Camel
A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel
On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.
After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation.
After a long period of silence, the priest spoke.
“Well sister, this looks pretty grim.”
“I know, father.” “In fact, I don’t think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.”
“I agree.” “Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?”
“Anything father.”
“I have never seen a woman’s front beauty and I was wondering if I might see yours.”
“Well, under the circumstances I don’t see that it would do any harm.”
The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight, commenting frequently on their beauty.
“Sister would you mind if I touched them?”
She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
“Father, could I ask something of you?” “Yes sister?”
“I have never seen a man’s manhood. Could I see yours?”
“I supposed that would be OK,” the priest replied lifting his robe. “Oh father, may I touch it?”
This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting his all manhood on the hand.
“Sister, you know that if I insert my manhood in the right place, it can give life.”
“Is that true father?” “Yes it is, sister.”
“Then why don’t you stick it up that camel’s ass and let’s get the hell out of here.”
The other day I was playing some Backgammon when suddenly, I decided to switch to Parcheesi instead.
It was a real game changer!
