Where does virgin wool come from?
Ugly sheep.
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What’s the difference between God and Bono?
God doesn’t walk all over Dublin pretending he’s Bono.
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A panda walks into a bar, eats, shoots, and leaves.
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Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it?
Incase there’s a salad dressing.
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My girlfriend wanted a Fairytale Romance Happy to oblige i gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the woods
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Once out of desperation I had to use a Brian Adams CD to slice a frozen pizza.
It “Cut(s) Like a Knife”.
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Warning this joke is rude ………An Englishman a Italian and and a Scotsman are discussing their sex lives in a bar the Englishman say’s when I’ve finished making love to my wife she lifts five foot above the bed in ecstasy the Italian man says that’s nothing when I’m finished making a love to my wife she lifts ten foot above the bed in ecstasy, the Scotsman says well when I’m done banging my lass I wipe my knob on the curtains an she hits the fucking roof 
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What colour is a burp?
BURPLE!!!
(insert face palm here)
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Happy to oblige. 
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