Steven Wright is brilliant! I used to have a tape of his called “I Have A Pony”. I love his deadpan delivery.
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Agree he is really funny. A lot of thinking went into his preparation I bet.
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I had my identity stolen once.
It’s OK, though. They gave it right back. 
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** If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a few car payments.
** Parallel lines have so much in common… it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
** What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”
** I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kat ads.
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What did one strawberry say to the other strawberry?
“If you weren’t so fresh last night, we wouldn’t be in this JAM”.
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Oh thats good!
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I saw my doctor this week and I told him I’d been having this irresistible urge to sing Tom Jones songs.
He said it’s not unusual.
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all I can picture is Carlton singing that song
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Mergers of the Future
With all the turmoil in the market today this might be some good advice. For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations later on this year:
» Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.
» Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.
» 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.
» Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.
» FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.
» Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.
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Very clever. 
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My friend was kidnapped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to him.
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Where do they send bad rainbows?
Prism.
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Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because it’s faster than walking.
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How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?
Hand him a SHOVEL.
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That is funny.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
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