What goes: “99…THUMP! 99…THUMP!” ?
A centipede with a wooden leg.
3 Likes
I just ordered a chicken and an egg online.
I’ll let y’all know which comes first.
3 Likes
Brilliant. 
1 Like
What do you call a Frenchman in sandals?
Philippe Floppe.
2 Likes
What do Yoko Ono and house spiders share in common?
They both live off dead beetles.
6 Likes
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg
7 Likes
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
He said…….”DAM!!!”
5 Likes
How does a panda make pancakes?
With a PAN. DUH!
5 Likes
Bamboo pancakes
3 Likes
Lots of fiber!
3 Likes
Every box comes with a map of the jungle
2 Likes
A blonde, brunette, and a red head are stranded on an island after their boat sinks. After many days and nights, they begin to panic. They all desperately search for food when the blonde is distracted by something shiny, half buried in sand. She picks it up and says:
Oh! A pretty lamp.
She rubs off some of the sand when suddenly a genie appeared.
Thank you for rescuing me! In gratitude, I’ll grant you three wishes.
The brunette and red head hear the commotion and run over. Delighted by this change in fortune, the brunette falls upon her knees and pleads:
Please, I wish to be back at my grandma’s house, with all my family enjoying a Sunday dinner!
Poof!
She vanishes.
The red head then cries:
Please, genie, I have no family. But I’d like to go where there’s a lot of people and good free food!
Poof!
She vanishes.
The genie than looks towards the blonde and asks for her wish.
Gee, I don’t know. I don’t have any family and I don’t like people. I just wish I had my friends back.
Poof.
They reappear!
5 Likes
