I said id get back to you after id mulled things over…i think maybe your right…things feel like they are changing…ive worked extremely hard on my sobriety and id ruled out the thought of having a partner completely while i did that…i think maybe that is beginning to shift even though i still dont think im ready im not as not ready as i was before if that makes sense but that in itself is scary to me…i guess because its a shift in how i feel about that prospect in particular…i know now on reflection that most of my past relationships before i got sober and did the work on myself have been co dependent because i had adandonment and rejection issues so going forward i have no idea how id now be and im scared 1. Of something threatening my sobriety and 2. Of falling straight back into codependancy and not being able to control it…i feel much better these past few days…it felt good to talk things out on here…i guess keep doing what im doing…working on myself and being the best mother i can be and see what grows from there…thank you again Matt for your kindness and amazing insight 
My pleasure 
It sounds like you’re getting some valuable self-insight! I’m happy for you.
I don’t have any personal experience or insight to share about this journey myself, but there are others on the site here who have been down a path like that, of finding new connections once they got their feet planted firmly on the ground of sobriety. You’re right that it’s a new journey!
Take care and trust your recovery. The playbook is clear, the process is simple. (It’s not easy, but it is simple.) Keep your feet firmly planted in the personal practice that has helped you, and you’ll be ok on your new search.
I read and hear ya Kelly 
I don’t have anything to offer. But I hear ya. It’s so good to put that out here. Keeping it in sucks. It does no good. I’m glad you shared. And maybe you’ve helped someone else in the process.
For what it’s worth, my wife and I both struggle with dependency / codependency stuff (along with deep-rooted anxieties, some unhelpful emotional habits, etc etc). At our lowest point I reached out to a lawyer for info about a divorce.
However, we have, over the years, done counselling, as individuals and as a couple, and we’ve learned communication tools. Personally I would say our marriage is stronger now, because of the challenges. I think it gave us a relationship-affirming choice to make: what is happening here? Who can I/we talk to, to help us understand and navigate this? And every time we do that - and we have done it many times over the last ten years - we gain a deeper insight, and I think that strengthens our relationship.
You know your green flags and yellow and red flags, and you probably have a clearer picture - mentally and emotionally - of the type of person you connect with now, someone who respects themself and you in balanced ways. That type of respect is what you’ve learned for yourself over the last year and a half.
Personally I think there’s no script for what “works” or doesn’t “work” in relationships - people can have dates, volunteer together, maybe move in, maybe don’t move in, make decisions about how to spend time with kids and relatives - but one thing that has been constant for me over the years in my relationship is an attitude of learning, and staying focused on the next constructive single step. There’s no way to know what’s happening a few days down the road. The important thing is what’s constructive and appreciated today. (In that way I think it’s a lot like sobriety. It’s similar in how it’s one day at a time, and take “life on life’s terms”, and communicating, and developing connections.)