And BAM! Like a punch in the face i feel super lonely today 
Its a beautiful day…my daughter is at her dads for the day and today i really wish i had a partner to spend today with…i miss company, hugs, sex, laughing with someone…cooking for someone…looking after someone…there…ive said it 
the big but is im too scared to even try to get involved with anyone…
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Lots of hugs 
I have it in my head im doomed to be alone forever.
I have come to realise it’s best to go slow and make quality friendships/relationships and be lonely until they come along.
When my children were younger I felt so lost when they went to their dad’s. That’s when that feeling helped me turn to drink and meet with not so great crowds.
Your doing so well 
I’m so proud of you 
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Thank you so much…ive had a good cry…i think its because my brother made a comment about me today…hes struggling with addiction himself and my mother innocently was telling how im on an app where i get help and give help (here) apparently he laughed it off and said well maybe she might find herself a man- with any luck!.. i mean …what a fucking thing to say…
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It’s amazing to think your mom is mentioning Talking Sober, specifically, you on Talking Sober, how you are present, part of a community that’s there with each other, helping each other. I remember when you got here two years ago, and looking at your shares now compared to your shares then: they’re all important and constructive, but there’s a new level of insight now. I think the new Kelly would be someone the past Kellys would admire.
It sucks to be lonely on a beautiful day. It’s the sunshine that does it. Rainy days are one thing but on beautiful days is when it hurts. The heart wants to go out, physically and emotionally.
And in one way, you, emotionally, are living your beautiful day that you didn’t live before. Hopefully that makes sense - what I mean is, emotionally, the storms and rain of your pasts (the ones caused by addiction) have cleared, so emotionally, you are in a beautiful day now, and your heart wants to step out and explore.
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Ah Matt you get me every time…thank you…ive just cried again reading this…i guess just ride it out…let it come…honestly i dont know where its all come from…you know that feeling like the world is busying around you and your standing still…alone and in silence…
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Ahwww what a real damn dumb fucking thing to say! You are not “in need” and to me you are a strong and beautiful woman. You are sober, which is hard work. So you are special, as you made it so far! Unique beautiful soul 🩷
Feel hugged
… and a kick in your brothers ass 
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Yeah fuck him Julia…cos apparently you havent made it in life if your single 
just lol! Il watch you kick his ass 
Thank you for the hugs
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Excuse me for butting in, but it seems like your mom made a choice to tell you the shitty thing yiur brother said about you. That’s not ok! My mom used to pull the same crap, shed gossip about her kids to each other and then tattle on us. Caused all sorts of unnecessary stress and drama. Sending positive vibes and hugs, Kelly!
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I do know that feeling. It comes in suddenly, like the way a ray of sunshine hits you suddenly as the sun rises in the sky. There’s an impulse that comes with that: rise, move, stretch, see, go. I think it’s natural and all of us feel that, including plants and animals. Sunshine is full of possibility.
But I think you’re right (or at least, this is what I’m hearing in your voice in this thread): choices we make about significant things should be conscious and proactive. I can’t decide to embark on a new life path - something that is a significant new path in a new chapter - on an impulse alone. (Impulses are part of it of course but they can’t be the only reason.) I shouldn’t live my life reactively, just reacting to things.
Personally, I see my emotions as signals, cues about my heart and mind. It’s kind of like when you plant beans or tomatoes in the garden. When those first sprouts stretch out of the ground, it’s an emotional moment. It’s a signal that, with attention and care, a new chapter of life is starting. There is no fruit yet - no edible vegetables yet - but it is a signal that there is a new growth, and with attention and care, it can become a productive, fruitful part of your life.
Maybe what you’re feeling today is your heart seeing a new life and growth in you. The fruit is not there yet, but there is something, and with attention and care, it can blossom and bear fruit for you and your loved ones.
You’ve spent more than 18 months now tilling the soil and sowing seeds. You haven’t harvested yet, but you are seeing growth, little sprouts rising from the ground. (One measurable example: your mother, independently, is advising your brother to follow your path.) So, what’s next? Patience, attention, and care? That would be a legitimate choice. Is it time to water the grounds? Irrigate the soil? What would that look like for you?
Maybe now is a time to reflect on where you are now and what is growing in the soil of your heart. I feel like there’s a new chapter opening here.
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Yeah u got that right Patty!! She does that…i dont know if its to hurt me im not sure. You can but in anytime u know i think alot of you.
Thank u for the hugs i need them xx
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I can hardly read your posts without doing it through tears…your analogies are just beautiful and seem to speak straight to my heart…i wish i could write so perfectly.
Thank you 
I need to really think about what youve said here…im not a quick thinker but a deep thinker as youl probably know by now…im gonna mull this over and il come back…
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Thank you for your kindness Billy…yeah…not to get too close to the nitty gritty we can all be self sufficient but i miss that kind of closeness…its the closeness to another human i miss…i dont know if im just not ready or im just scared…maybe both…i will lean into it and get a big hug from my girl when she gets home…she is my rock
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I can relate. When my son is at his dad’s I feel the exact same way. You’re not alone. Hugs 
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I’m sorry you’re feeling this way I think putting yourself out there socially would be good for you, naturally friendships would develop, and you never know who you’d meet!
I don’t mean to presume anything about your social life, I just feel it would suit you better to meet a new partner organically. If you met someone good, then it’s something that would grow. Less forced than dating apps and certainly less expectations. Meet ups in your area might be useful?
I think your mum meant for your brother to follow in your example, but instead, he lashed out and wanted to hurt you for it. It’s hard not to take personally, but that’s definitely addicts brain steering his ship.
Take a little walk, get out in nature. You’ll clear your head and will enjoy the sun
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I think your right but socialising here is difficult if you dont particularly wana be around a bunch of drunk people…money is an issue as i now get a pittance from my daughters dad…i try…im not desperate or anything im mostly single by choice but then i get the odd day like this…i refuse point blank to do dating apps…i have loads of friends both male and female but mostly they socialise around drinking…
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Sending you love @Starlight14 have you looked into meetup.com? Maybe find some cute men with common interests while having fun?
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Hey sister 
honestly i dont feel like im ready for anything yet…il get through…i feel alot better now ive talked to you kind folks…ive had some music on done some self care,.put my face on done my hair lol as you do 
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Good for you for working thru it 
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A hug and support to you! I get it. My social circle has disappeared, and I’m single. I’m watching it unravel completely in my 3rd month sober. It’s painful and liberating at once. Liberating because I knew something was very wrong with my friendships and relationships. It hurts to think I wasted so much time while I could have been with better people. But I’m here now. I’m ready, sober and it will happen. We can and will have good relationships in the future. Getting sober is just the beginning.
I’m glad you feel better and thanks for sharing.
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