I’m just wondering how many out there continue with their marriage after you Both get so er and the dynamic is completely different?? Almost foreign…
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Hi Brenda.
My spouse and I got sober at the same time. I was never completely convinced she had an issue with alcohol but she gave it up when I did. Our relationship is much better today because I have learned the value of honesty and more importantly I see her now. When I reflect, I realize that I was not giving her the respect and unconditional love she deserved.
To directly answer your question, the dynamic(s) in my marriage did change for the better. Those changes came about because I put in the work to be and stay sober and we put in the work to rebuild what was broken in our relationship.
I believe there are a lot if similarities between the work that is required to maintain sobriety and the work it requires to maintain a healthy marriage. 
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Marriage issues have started!!
My husband has been sober for over 25 years. His father, before he passed last year, had been sober for 44.
I was the only drinker in the house.
I’ve been drinking since I was 16 years old, with the exception of when I was pregnant with my daughter. I have had really bad nights where I black out, etc but I have never really been a mean drunk. My husband has told me many times that I need to cut it back. I recently lost my father in law and my mother 2 months apart. I went in a downward spiral for months.
I finally sought therapy (husbands idea) and to get better for me.
I’ve been sober 2 weeks and the husband is NOT happy!!! It has been extremely uncomfortable and the nasty looks I get. Whew!
I’m soooo confused…wouldn’t he be supportive and happy that I’m sober as he is??
Also, In the past when I said I was going to take a break from drinking he would randomly bring home wine. Mention happy hour, etc. it was really hard!
How do I navigate this? Therapist said to join AA which I know a lot of them from my father in law.
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AA is a good idea, does your husband attend?
Does he have an ulterior motive behind wanting you to be around alcohol and not be sober?
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His father attended AA his entire sobriety until he recently passed.
My husband went when he first got sober but then never went back, said he didn’t need it for his sobriety.
So I’m a bit nervous to see how he reacts when I do attend…
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As I am also confused…
Therapist seems to think it’s a control issue as I am easier to control when drinking or it’s the only thing he can use against me?
Since I have stopped it has not been a comfortable household.
My 13 year old daughter also mentioned she can see he’s angry but doesn’t understand bc he always says I need to cut back.
I’m just trying one day at a time.
I have noticed since being sober I’m more open to doing things for myself and what makes me happy. Also losing 2 parents shows how precious life really is.
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I was actually thinking similar to what your therapist suggested.
Either way I hope you can get healthy and sober for yourself.
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It seems like to me it’s absolutely a control issue. Why else would someone your married to and supposedly loves you, not want you to feel good, be healthy, aware, and sober. It was obviously good enough for him 25 years ago. Why not you? Unless maybe he’s just afraid you’ll sober up and realize what an asshole he is and that you can probably do much better. Just my opinion.
Oh and welcome to the community 
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Thank you!!!
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So true. If you love someone, you give them the space to grow and the freedom to be independent being their true selves.
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Hey, @SweetCrys how’s it going? Also did you bring up these points to him. Just curious what his response was.
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Well, I can’t answer because my wife, after I get sober and dropped the THC, started to think she should never accepted what I was previously and decided to get a divorce after all.
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So true! We are also 16 years apart. I’m in my 30’s still changing and he is mid 50’s set in his ways. I guess only time will tell.
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It’s going. I haven’t brought it up yet.
I’m waiting until this weekend when our daughter isn’t around in case it gets loud and uncomfortable (not on my part). He also just got some bad health news yesterday so I’m giving it some time to settle. Hope yall are doing great!!! I’m still sober! 
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Okay that sounds like a solid plan. Glad you’re still sober
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Keep up the good work! Getting sober for yourself is a beautiful thing. Sometimes you have to be a little selfish to stay sober.
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Someone told me separate the nasty looks and comments from the person and understand those things you don’t like is coming out in the form of hurt, pain and resentment caused party on your behalf…
My wife tells me constantly, “lemme smell your breath , I know you’ve been drinking “. Seriously makes me wanna go the bar that second but I need to take accountability for the destruction I caused and let those comments go even though it hurts to the core…
I’m learning how to detach right now…you give him too much power to hurt you…take that power away and discover yourself…
Alan watts, thewizardliz, ram dass
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I feel you. My Ex was 26 years older than me. We were only together 5 years but he didn’t want to stop drinking so I left him and moved from Phoenix to Memphis to live with my Aunt. I’m now coming up on 9 months sober and for the first time in my life I feel really proud of myself and I love the way my body feels every morning. I really hope everything works out for you 
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