Guys, have you ever experienced this? I am sober and as I stabilize/do the work, I am coming to the realization that I may not have romantic love for my husband anymore. It breaks my heart to even write this as he is a good man and has stuck with me through all of it. We also have a 2.5 yr old together. The guilt of this realization is palpable. I feel lost and awful
I should add, he never had issues wirh substances and has little to no interest in drinking
6 Likes
I think as I have worked on being sober that I have noticed my SO and I don’t have much in common. Sometimes I wonder what we did all the years before now but that answer is getting fucked up.
I still love him, I always will but we have changed and so our relationship is different. I think it’s natural for relationships to change over time but it’s hard to
adapt to the new normal.
Maybe your relationship is evolving, only you know that. You aren’t alone though. 
5 Likes
My relationship with my husband is different when I am sober. He still drinks daily, so I find other things to occupy my time and mind. I still completely love him but it’s just different and right now I choose to accept that and enjoy being sober and having a best friend. Who knows what the future brings and one day that may not be enough for me but for right now I choose contentment.
4 Likes
My wife and i are 29 years married we still hold hands when we are out and about im 71 now shes 67 ,
8 Likes
That’s actually really sweet. Makes me still believe in love. I just have now break up, so… Yeah.
4 Likes
I love and adore my husband. He’s been my rock through some of the worst meltdowns and alchohol/drugs induced episodes posible. One of the best parts about being sober now is seeing him smile and seeing him more relaxed. I honestly can’t imagine my life without him.
I spent my 20s chasing that lustful / romantic / Hollywood / can’t breathe without you love and I had my heart broken into a million shards more times than I can count. (I also have BPD so… I can get VERY infatuated, usually with the wrong people).
It took me a while to accept that my relationship with my husband is healthy and normal and it doesn’t have to be a constant stream of drama and kissing in the rain. It also took me a while to stop trying to self-sabotaje a good thing going on in my life.
I’m not saying that’s your story. But is your relationship lacking or are you restless? I know I get restless when things are good.
7 Likes
We have been together since I was seventeen. (29 now). We have a lot of conversations about how we may not be good for each other anymore. We sleep in seperate rooms. At first it was so we could respect each other’s sleep schedule. Now it’s idk. He has a lot of anxieties of his own. We struggle to show affection and comfort one another. Often snapping after long days
1 Like
Cory, I feel for you. Would marriage counseling be something to consider? Wish you well…
2 Likes
If this is your married life at 29, i think you are probably onto something having doubts. Maybe try marriage counselling? If youre having conversations already about how you dont really belong together it feels like you need to get some outside help if you want it to work
2 Likes
You guys are probably right about marriage counselling. Just have to figure out how to pay for it 
1 Like
I don’t mean to pry, but perhaps there is an EAP program through your workplace or your husbands? (EAP in U.S. means Employee Assistance Program. Usually offers ten free sessions, then referral for additional counseling through insurance).
1 Like
Ooo there may be
I don’t know we quit drinking together. Been together almost 30 year’s now. He’s not a pleasant drunk so I guess I seen him at his worst as he has me. We’re actually much closer now. Besides that we decided a couple year’s ago the same week our divorce was due to be finalized that we’re too old to throw in the towel lol so we canceled it… Hope y’all can work it out and get back to why you fell in love in the first place if that’s possible. My mother in law and father inlaw used to sleep in seperate rooms and I made my husband promise me we’d never do that. He tries to run off and nap on the couch sometimes but I just follow him lol 
He doesn’t call the raido station to request me song’s anymore because we listen to bluetooth radio so now days he sends me love songs from Spotify. But for a little while we were not so loving. Wish I could take back those hard time’s but we’re better and stronger now. Best wishes to you and your family.
4 Likes
I don’t know if your religious or members of any. Church, you might not even have to be my first round of marriage counseling actually came from a pastor from a local church, and it was free. I wasn’t a member of the church, nor am I religious in any form.
It didn’t work but I learned so much from it it was unbelievable
1 Like
That could work