First time on here. Seeking support as I am a bisexual woman married to a man but my craving for women has never stopped. In fact, since hes currently on a work trip, my craving has gotten worse. I have thought about how to cheat, how to connect with women sexually without getting caught, watching lesbian porn ofcourse and I am SO CLOSE to actually ordering a sex doll to get rid of my cravings. Any help?
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Welcome to the forum. I’m sorry things are so tough for you right now. Have you considered getting some professional help? Maybe a therapist or counselor. I don’t want to make assumptions but perhaps there are other underlying issues that you could get help with. I do know there are groups out there but I don’t have personal experience to help with that. Just wanted to say you’re not alone and reaching out here has been a great first step for you. Hang in there.
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Thank you so much 
Just knowing that there is one person out there who has heard my experience and is sending that support means the world to me in this moment. I do actually have a therapist that I have been afraid to share this with. Thank you for your encouragement 
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Hi @WMarriedLGBT, I’m a male sex / lust addict. I can speak to my experience about recovering from sex addiction. There are some patterns common to sex / lust / porn addictions that are common in other addictions as well, and there are others that differ somewhat. These have been mine.
I spent a very long time with the cravings. Sometimes I’d be bouncing from craving to craving, acting out again and again and again, for hours, days, or a week at a time. Then I’d turn back to my life, dejected and ashamed, hollow, yet not believing I could change much of anything. (Still I tried. I tried to understand it. I tried to control it. I had blockers and accountability software and flip phones (not smartphones), all trying to keep myself from walking down that path to my addiction.)
For me personally, recovery from this addiction has taught me this about myself:
It is not caused by porn, or media, or sex, or culture, or cravings, or physiology, or neurology, or what clothing people wear. The problem (and the solution) is way deeper (and simpler) than that. All those things are superficial. Saying those things cause it is like saying a problem of obesity is caused primarily by food. The problem is about my choices in relation to food, my attitudes in relation to food (how I perceive it), and those choices have emotional and psychological roots. I need to learn from people who can help me to understand those roots, dig them up, and throw them - in a conscious, healthy way - out of my garden.
My journey has been long but I am grateful now for 4 months of continuous sobriety, which I haven’t had since before I hit puberty.
For me, my path to reaching this point went through Sexaholics Anonymous (www.SA.org). There are other groups focused on sex / porn / lust addiction recovery as well (Neal made a list of them here: Resources for our recovery - #64 by NealRecoveryCA). I found that it was only when I started connecting with and learning with others who had walked their own road through sex / lust / porn addictions - who had been in that heart-emptying carousel, and who’d decided they wanted out - that my heart truly began to respond, and the deep change took root.
Don’t give up. It is possible if you keep searching, you stay humble, and you take little steps every day (steps which you can learn from others in recovery).
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Welcome to the forum @WMarriedLGBT
Glad you found the site and also that you posted! I see you are already getting suggestions and help…
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I can’t say I haven’t thought of a sex doll as well. I would be so humiliated if somehow someone found it. I’m single female with no sexual outlet at all. My addiction is masterbation and porn so anything sexual is basically off limts. It’s hard when the sexual pressure and physical arousals are building and you have to just push through and not go there. I’m 6 weeks sober but today has been a struggle to masterbate and watch porn was real. Sometimes I even wish I could just go find someone to hook up with just so I can experience real sex and get the curiosity out of the way. but I know that won’t help anything either. Gotta push through and get to the next day.
Thank you for sharing your story! I am having the same struggles and thought there would be no one who could relate. I am married to a man but started question if I was bisexual around the same time. I suppressed my attraction to women by making excuses to myself because i was (still kinda am) in such denial. Even telling my self what’s the point of wondering I am already married so why deal with right. After a couple years it’s all I could think about. so I started to drink to make the thoughts go away and to make the terrible amount of guilt I felt about my husband. It work for a long time but then the drinking made me want women more. I have never been with a women so I eventually got drunk enough to have the courage to try lesbian porn. I told myself I maybe I’m just bisexual and if I just try watching lesbian porn I would know for sure a get over it. I haven’t been able to stop since. The drinking and guilt gets worse every day. I’m not addicted to porn but eventually I could only watch lesbian porn. My cravings are getting stronger but I can’t tell anyone. I can barley admit to myself. know the more I drink the tempted I am. Last night I got drunk at home and after watching lesbian porn I found my self looking for lesbian bars in towns a few hours away. I told myself if I just go and see what happened and that’s it but I was lying. I wanted to go to one to finally hook up with a girl. I was so drunk I told myself it be ok to cheat just once and the I would know what it’s like to be with a women “get it out of my system” and it would be ok. I didn’t go three either it. The guilt came on quick and I drank myself to sleep. I am one day sober now. I can’t come out after all these years. My family would except me but my husband would hate me (he doesn’t believe in gay marriage/parenting). I would be so Iembarrassed to come out now at 33 and the worst part would be the “I told you so”. All my life it’s like everyone could tell or knew but I couldn’t u til now? How dumb is that. I’m lonley at night so I drink until I forget it all. This is my first post and my fist time telling anyone that I am a closeted lesbian and I’m scared as hell!
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Welcome to the Forum @Always_hiding
No need for shame here. You found a safe space. We are here for you and we don’t judge.
Addiction is connected to covering who we really are. Addiction helps us not to see what we don’t want to see. When we get sober, we meet the person that we really are (let me tell you: you will love this person more and more!)
I think it’s very strong and brave of you to look behind the superficial outside and to share with us what is really on your mind and in your heart. I am sorry you have to carry this heavy feelings. Lean on us, we are here to listen and help each other.
Did you already think about getting any help?
Warm hugs 
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Welcome to the forum.
One step at a time is a good way to doand here you are with one day sober. There’s lots of help for you with sobriety and also with the other,
as you see you found others who have written about it.
Again, welcome to the site and to the beginning of working through all that you wish to work through.
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Thank you @DanielaJ you have no idea how much your strong words mean to me. It feels really good to actually be able to say it for the first time! My first step is to get clear headed and stop the drinking but I’m still terrified of facing the reality of the other part of me. The real me I guess.
I’ve done concealing and therapy before but I never told them I had feelings for women. I just pretended I was there for other problems that stemmed from it like depression. I chickened out each time. I couldn’t bare the thought of it getting out somehow. Just overwhelmed by thinking how all that would work and what to say to people, especially at my age. Hell I’ve been one of those people who did the “how could the not know” line lol but I’ll admit it’s really nice to be able to talk with someone about it. So thank you!
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Take it one step at a time. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. One day at a time!
Don’t be afraid of your true self. It’s your best friend 
Great that you have some experience with therapy! I am sure you shared what was doable. Let the past go, and focus on just today.
Maybe you want to try a group like AA/SA or Smart Recovery. Both are available online if you don’t find a group where you live.
You can find a lot of resources also here: Resources for our recovery - #64 by NealRecoveryCA
And here:
Feel free to use the daily check in thread. It’s an easy way to connect to many people here in the forum. We are in this together!