I just need to vent. I had my kids this weekend and my daughter had a softball tournament. Saturday was good, watched my daughter play, hung out with my other 2 kids. Today we had an early day, a couple of games and my kids had some other 4H, county fair type events. My anguish comes from feeling like a second place parent/father. I get my kids every other weekend, but it always seems my time with them still gets dictated by my ex wife. See, she’s remarried, we are on good terms, my kids live with her and I moved last year to be 10 minutes away, but she has them in so many activities, that when I have them, she has me running them all over the place, and I feel like I don’t get quality time with them. Today was full of triggers, a wasted day in my head, feeling like a failure,…a lot of pain. I spoke to my sponsor today, but still feel like shit. I miss my kids, I feel lonely, I am lonely and the inner voice of my disease has been telling me all day I’m not going to make it. I’m 69 days sober, I haven’t drank, I don’t want to drink but I don’t know how much I can take of feeling like a failure in front of my kids. Their mom has a nice house, land, a big family, a life. I live in an apartment, drive an old car I worry constantly will break down, don’t have much money, and my kids are my only family where I live. It’s been 6and a half years, but today smacked me in the face, bringing doubt, and pain. Feeling depressed. Thanks for reading.
Did your kids have fun?
They did, but they knowi wasn’t happy about the amount of time I get with them. Just spoke to my mom and sponsor, can’t say I feel any better, but the bottom line is I’m sober and I just have to quit being pussy. Life isn’t fair we all know that so f it, time to move on. Tomorrows another day.
Tomorrow is a new day, definitely
It’s true that life sucks sometimes but if things aren’t feeling fair then you’re allowed to be irritated by it. Sometimes we need to ask for someone to listen to us.
It’s ok to feel irritated and annoyed. I get it. You deserve to have someone listen to you and you’re allowed to feel annoyed - you’re just as human as any of us 
Can you take some time to just practice asking for your days with them to be your days?
Like practice it: “[name], I think I should be choosing what we do or don’t do on the days I have them. I would be grateful if I could choose the activities for that day.”
Can you say that to her? Just say that. You don’t know what will happen but just saying it will feel good I bet.
I was a child of divorced parents who had a reasonably respectful relationship and my mom gave space to my dad when he had us every second weekend 
Thanks for the advise, I greatly appreciate it!
Hey Brother. Firstly, you aren’t a failure. You moved so you could be 10 mins away from your kids. If you were a shit dad, you wouldn’t care…let alone caring about any time with them.
I reluctantly moved out of the family home in March of 2017 as ex-wife made it clear marriage was over after 9 years and 14 yrs together. At the time, a 4 yr old girl and 6 yr old boy. It was positively, absolutely one of the worst experiences in my life to date.
I spun into a vortex of shame, guilt, beating myself up, loneliness, despair, 24/7 anxiety, joyless life, depression, drugs & booze & sex and generally just feeling sorry for myself. However…one of the biggest shining bright spots (which helped to save me) was that I had my kids 40% of the time. I managed to push through all my own shit somehow and hold it together for them. I could be a dad to them directly…a tribe of 3…w/o interference. I came off worse too brother…she got the house and I got a shitty 2 bedroom rented unit and a car that wasn’t as nice as their mom’s. But my kids never complained about that stuff. They relished spending the time with me regardless of how nice the trappings were and what I could or couldn’t afford.
What I’m getting at is that obviously every situation is different and I don’t know yours but from what you wrote, if you get along with your ex and only 10 mins away…can you ask for 50/50 time spent with kids? That’s what mine changed to when divorce came through.
As long as you avoid self inflicted own goals by keeping your sobriety and your job…by and by all the other stuff (car, where you live, who you love) will take care of itself. Try and get equal time with those kids, tell your ex about your feelings on the matter in a respectful way and most importantly try and be present with your kids and enjoy that precious time together. It goes so quick.
Hey @Nosaj Jason, this sounds like a lot of pain is running through your life. I think you’re a great dad for doing all this and it comes through how much you love your kids. That is THE most important thing and that’s what they need, who cares about your car in comparison.
If I was you I would try to focus less on the jealousy you have for your ex’s new life and more of enhancing the quality of my own life. You say it’s been 6.5 years, yet you don’t seem to have moved on for you personally. Do you do self-care? Do you have hobbies? Friends? A pet? Make a list of things that would make you feel happier on a daily basis, then work towards getting these things ingetegrated in your life. You’re in early sobriety and it’s dangerous to be this unhappy. They say: Build a life you don’t need to escape from. My fav recovery saying. I try and stick by it.
Edit: Hey btw would you consider taking out the word pussy of your other post? It’s a word for female genitalia that half of us own and most of us love, it’s not an term of insult connotating “weak”. That’s offensive to women i.e. sexist. Would be appreciated if you could clean that up! 