Good job on 2 months and 11 days 
I wish things were working out better with your spouse. But we canāt control other peopleās behaviors. I think it would be best to take care of you right now and possibly get some counseling. Read up on gambling addictions because, in my opinion, itās the worst of the addictions. Also, there are many TS members on here that are/have been with drinking spouses. Lean on some of them for wise words and support 
@Lisa07 @Dazercat
Big hugs and keep up the good work on your sobriety! Iām rooting for you!!
There is a great thread you might find some commonality on. 
Hi @Toka. I got sober a little over 2 years ago. My husband whoās an alcoholic said heād quit with me. A few months into my recovery, he was still drinking daily. I confronted him about the promise to quit and he did but it didnāt last long and he went right back. Then he quit again but it never stuck. He was lying and hiding it (I always knew). I got to the point that I couldnāt even hold a conversation with him. The slurring and smell disgusted me. This went on for over 20 months. I was going to AA meetings and spending a lot of time on here for support. He finally quit because he knew I had enough and he was losing his family (and health). Heās now 4 months sober and loving life again. I may have tolerated it longer than most but I made sure to keep my recovery a top priority. All I can say is focus on yourself and hope that he sees how well youāre doing and makes the decision to quit on his own. Unfortunately, we canāt control otherās actions but we can control how we respond to it. Wishing you the best and Iāll be here to support you along the way just like others have done for me.
Omg what a fancy little chap! Great picture 
Thanks for the reminder, gotta go drink now 
My mentals are weighing on me heavy today.
Half because of this issue with my back that Iāve been dealing with for almost 4 years now. I just wish I could life my life normally and reap the benefits of living as healthy and clean as I do. On top of that, the lack of answers - or at least direction - from medical professionals has left me feeling totally on my own in figuring it out. I meet with the neurosurgeon next week, he did my back surgery when I was 8 and I am really hopeful he may have some insight.
I was thinking about what I might say to him, and the impact on my mental health is definitely part. As I have thought about it, I realized that when this issue began is when life stopped being fun for me. I lost that zeal, that sense of enjoyment, hell even the desire to live fully. I forget what that feels like. That is both scary and sad.
Additionally, Iāve been feeling very isolated. Not being able to go to MeetUps for 2 weeks because of my back probably doesnāt help. Making friends has been tough. Lots of dating but Iām not sure if I even should be without building a solid foundation on my own first. I think about what feels like a complete and utter lack of connection in my life.
The woman Iām seeing now, and have been for a month or so, is beautiful, intelligent, and nice - but just doesnāt have āitā for me. I just donāt see a long-term anything for us. Maybe thatās fine. But itās a discussion she and I need to have to make sure weāre on the same page - I donāt want to lead anyone on.
I remember the woman I dated when I first got here, the one 15 yrs older than me. Still think about her. Mostly, how she made me feel. I felt cared about, I felt valued, I felt desired. Thatās what Iām looking for and holding out for.
To combine the two issues ā is it odd that part of what scares me about my back issues is that one day it will render me unable to lift weights/run/stay in shape, thus not being āas attractiveā or desirable anymore? So I feel like I have this imaginary window of time where I have to find someone to be with before my back gives out entirely. Vain, perhaps. Silly, also perhaps. But it feels real.
I think most people that work out regularly (myself included) feel this way. The thing is thatās not all there is to you. You have a personality and are striving for growth and that is worth so much more that how much you can lift. A mind is a very attractive thing
I also feel you on the lonely thing. Since I got back from Nc and Iām back to wfh Iām feeling very isolated. As usual, I donāt have an answer but I hear you and Iām sorry you are having a rough day.
