I love this Stella, thanks for posting 
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Don’t forget Ice (S)cream
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I don’t mean to be blunt but
I have a mental illness
There is no good excuse to pick up a drink
I take heavy meds so I black out 10× faster then normal
I was diagnosed at age 16 with paranoia schzophrania
You ever try stopping a thought mid thought
It’s physicly painful. I could get into that with imaging but it’s just too dark
Now i let my thoughts flow
My mottos for my mental health recover for my schzophrania are
No fear
Nothing matters but RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW
and give it to God
I’ve seen hullusanations
Had minor sesears
Extreem fear that led to extreem action
I od’ed on meds years ago
I did it more then once
Most of the time to get high
The last time I od’ed was Christmas night 2009 and it was to end it
I was scared people wanted me to so I did it
I took a months worth of meds
4 different bottles
8 ib profin (all that we had thank god)
It took 3 small sips of water
Done
Then I drank a beer
Straight up out of a scary thought I had
I wasnt even angry or sad that bad
But very very confused and scared
My dog knew
I don’t know how
She was scared and wouldn’t let no1 near me
I couldn’t breath
I was breathing but no oxygen it felt like
I fell asleep 2 days in the emergency room and phyc evale room
Then another 2 at the phyc ward
No fear
Nothing matters but RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW
give your troubles to God
That’s what i do when I have a episode
I could go on and on for hours
I ran away from home once out of many times but this one time I tricked my mom to give me money then walked 10 miles just to come down from the episode and walk ten miles back home
It was like 8am i did this after a night with no sleep pure fear through my mind
Sorry this is so graffic
You guys can flag it if its too much
It’s just that this was real life paranoia schzophrania
Now im here happy as a damn kitty 
I still hullusanate every day aditorally and prob will for the rest of my life
I have visual every now and then
No sign of segers in years thank God
The only person i told about my segers was my aunt over the telephone
She told my mom
God is great
What he givith
He shall take away
And he took years and years worth of pain
15 phyc wards in 3 years plus
Not a game
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Ohhhh sooooo many fuckfaces!!! 
so little time
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Thank you for sharing @Noshame i really appreciate you reaching out and letting us get to know you. That takes a lot of courage, proud of you!!!
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Your a rockstar
All of this is only a small piece of rock bottom. There is plenty more
I lived in a nightmare I would say about 7 years. It took a toll but shearing this I hope can help others that there is really nothing to be afraid of and I hope one day I can talk to someone who is experiencing this early on so they don’t have years pain like i had
I dropped out of school at age 16 and spent a year all by myself alone alone with my thoughts
Then one day
1 week after my fist auditory hallucination I snapped because I had no clue what was going on or how to handle it or that it was fake and there was really no reason to be that scared
Now I’m completely educated I think if I can reach out to someone experiencing this, it could really make a difference
There was nothing to be afraid of the whole time
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Thanks for being so vulnerable and sharing your story. There is so much negative stigma around mental illness we need to be open and honest with our conditions so that people can understand and not be frightened and misinformed.
I am glad you are feeling more stable, I have also had some very bad years but now they are looking up!!!
Here is to all the best years to come.
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Sobriety is life changing
Every craving is really a small price to pay
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Yes the stigma is nutts in itself
People are always quick to say melenials sk
The times are changing
The internet is everywhere
Technology everywhere
We are adapting I would think
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That’s amazing Matt! I’m sure you’re going to help a lot of people, great job!!!
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I agree, drinking and drugging mixed with the very high doses of antipsychotics, anticonvulsants, antidepressants and benzos did me no good. Once I took the substances out of the picture we were able to reasses my medication and I am now on 1/4 of the dose and 1/5 of the meds I was on before.
The insanity of active addiction made my instability fucking intolerable. Now that I am more stable when a fluctuation in my mood arises I can “manage” it, I can see it for what it is, and I can honor it.
It really is a whole new existence for me.
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