Like this?
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Yeeeesss thanks a lot!
Half of the battle when we are trying to figure our recovery out is being aware of what we need to work at and work on. I’m realising that my way didn’t work and that I have to try another way…learning all over again. This used to scare me but now I’m finding my eyes are opening and acknowledging is helping me to repair. Hope this makes sense??? Glad I got you and this family with me whilst I try to figure these things out. I’m going to see my friend later, he’s our family mechanic so he’s doing my car service (so I can socially distance and see him whilst I get my car lol) I’m going to shut my mouth and listen to what’s going on with him. I’m not going to make any comment, just listen and let him off load. I’m also learning that just because someone is sharing these personal heavy things with me doesn’t mean they need advice… just an ear. 
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I’ve read that a gratitude practice of listing items is fine, but we can get more impact by taking time each day to elaborate just a bit more on why we feel grateful for that “thing.” I started doing this a while back and I really am appreciating this daily exercise. Even just a few sentences.
Here’s a pretty good article that talks about digging deeper in a gratitude practice:
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The Feelings Wheel I posted is at post 1000 in the thread. It is laid out to show the ‘antithesis’ / ‘opposite’ feelings across from each other on the circle. Its actually a camera shot of a printout that I keep by my desk for 10th steps. If you’d like I can hunt down the original clean format version.
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(Full poem)
I connect to the rhythm of how I really feel. I pause and dig a little deeper, is there something more for me?
Under the layers of feelings, I find the root and the seed, I realize my feeling was not what it seemed.
But when I sit and listen for a while, it’s like it passes through. The feeling leaves my body, and now I know my truth.
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Hi @CrabDog thanks so much, if it’s not too much trouble I would like that very much! As I had the same idea of printing that out nice and neat and pin it up over my desk! Very much appreciate your offer!
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This is a bit triggering but I need to write it
Writing and expressing will help
I haven’t been sent to a phyc ward in about 2 years
When I was 16 in 2006 I was diagnosed schzophranic
The unrealistic view of life got to me
It all started with a bus of a fly. I could have sworn it came from another person in my head. I was most likey high on weed or withdrawing
A week past and it was smooth
I heard voices in my head saying I’m doing a good job
Then one day the unreal view came full throttle. I was staring in the mairror repeating my name trying to make contact with my voices
then the blessing became a curse
I was so frightened someone or something heard me and I was petraphied because I thought everyone in the whole world could hear me as world leaders faught trying to 0ut blame on eachother for my communication to them. 2ars were being started in my name I thought.
I thought the u.s. government send solidgers to watch me secretly and if the voices escalated I would have been taken out.
I remember trying to make piece by letting this happen. I would go for long walks in the woods hoping the peace was comming and I thought it would be in the form of a sniper.
Everyone I dreamed about I thought dreamt the same thing so when I dreamt of a drug deal gone wrong I thought gangsters were going to take me out
Meanwhile all of this is going on, I’d call the police trying to save other people and myself so I’m going in and out of phyc wards like crazy. 15 times in 3 years.
I had a breaking point on Christmas night 2009
I was going through a depressive episode
It lasted weeks long
And 9n Christmas night 2009 I attempted to end it myself based on my confusing thoughts
My voices said
Matt you are god admit it
Finally I admitted it
Then they said your the devil
I admitted it
Then they called me the super devil and I had to die to save the world from alians
Lol it’s fked up I know but it’s funny now that I look back 
I took a months worth of 5 meds that were different in my
I laid in bed and I was so high I started not being able to breath
I washed down the pills with 1 beer
Then a voice in my head comming from the police said thank you.l, which saved my life because it didn’t add up
I ran upstairs to my dad’s room and yelled I’m oding then ran downstairs to call the ambulance and police.
My dog was wigging out. They are smart smart good loyal animals
So the ambulance came and brought me to the hospital where I fell asleep
I slept till 3pm the next day
Got trasford to the phyc eval department and slept another 2 days
Never got my stomic pumped I think because I wasn’t throwing up
I didn’t tell anyone why I did it because I thought if I did, the false thoughts would become true
I ended up telling my doctor in the phyc ward
Then a week past and I came home
That is only one of many many horror stories I have about my symptoms as a schzophranic
I almost ended my life on a lie I made up in my head
I’m much much better now
I know my illness like I know myself
Schzophrania is very complicated
There are thoughts
Then imagination
Then schzophrania
Schzophrania is like a out of control imagination
Everyone has thoughts
Everyone has a imagation
When theyvare combined to a extreme is schzophrania
I will have this diagnose for the 4est of my life unfortunately but I don’t mind. I learned a lot a lot
I’m opened about it
It doesn’t scare me
It doesn’t mean I have multiple personalities or that I’m dumb
It’s just unbalanced chemicals in my head. I always say in my head because I hate the word brain. Brain is a gross word lol
So yeah…
Pretty much…
Have a good day everyone
Have no fear
Your the boss in your mind
Nothing matters but right here and right now 
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Take Jesus, your lord and saviour, for example. The first time someone comes along and suggests that maybe you shouldn’t hurt each other and what do you do? You nail him to a big plank of wood. This is why you can’t have nice things.
Just read it and it made me chuckle. 
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