11 months and I’m miserable think of death or using most of the day. How are you holding up?
Are you saying you have 11 months clean? You still want to use? Are you working any kind of recovery program? Have you changed your life? Do you still hang out with using friends?
I ask all this because I was a meth head for 20 years and today I have 27 years clean. I know your struggle down to my bones. I couldn’t get clean on my own. It took a lot of help from a lot of other recovering addicts and listening to them. It took me leaving behind beloved friends and family because I came to know my recovery was more important than any relationship in my life. That included my husband who is now my ex and still using. It took a lot of hope, a lot of determination and a lot of strength. Don’t think about staying clean forever. Just think about staying clean today. One day at a time.
I’m here for you. Leaving you with this meme. I don’t like the word advice in it. I prefer suggestions. However the message is the same. Meth is a poison. It just hides the fact it is slowly killing your body, spirit and mind. Keep coming here and read posts. It helps.
Hey Joel, I’m glad u checked in. I absolutly agree with @SassyBoomer. I used meth for 3 years continuously and trying to get off of it was BRUTAL. For myself I absolutely needed a support group. There is no way I could do this alone. I also needed medication. Meth caused me to dissociate often (or that was trauma idk) I would hear things and occasionally see and feel things. I wasn’t well at all. I felt like I was on autopilot. It took about 8 or 9 months of continuous sobriety from all substances to start feeling normal. But if it wasn’t for medication or a support group and rehab Idk if I could’ve gotten off of it.
I go to CMA every week, I’m in treatment, I take meds from a doctor, I do therapy. At first I was fine then the pink cloud crashed and I lost all hope. Only reason I haven’t relapsed is I can’t get any. Originally playing the tape forward worked but I’ve become numb to it now.
When the pink cloud crashed did you try replacing it with anything like new friends, affirmations or step work? Have you discussed with your doctor that perhaps your meds need adjusting? What is keeping you from having hope? You say you are in treatment. Are you fully engaged and involved in it or are you just going with the flow waiting for the miracle to happen? It takes a lot of inner work to figure yourself out and to find a life worth living. I wish you well.
Good point. I have been going thru the motions with treatment lately and have been lacking on step work