I had a rather disappointing conversation with one friend on Sunday. I won’t go into details about it, but Sunday was a disappointing day overall.
This disappointment was not the reason or excuse for my relapse though. I guess I could say that the excuse to act out was because I had a relapse dream, that I couldn’t shake off. Now, I do have relapse dreams every now and then, sometimes they’re more vivid, sometimes not. Sometimes they leave a lingering sensation that’s hard to shake off.
That being said, for me it’s still an excuse. There never is a good reason to act out. For me it always comes down to, that I want to do it, regardless of the consequences.
I know I don’t update here, or journal here that much. There just usually isn’t that much to report to be honest. And I also vent on other platforms sometimes. What I’m getting with this, is that I guess I could update here on TS more often.
There were other things I wanted to say, but they slipped my mind now. Anyhow, odaat.
@Milele thank you for sharing your journey and thoughts with SLA and reliving these emotions/traumas, and writing about it. I was in rehab for a month processing childhood and adult traumas, was encouraged to take up Journaling, which I did. While painful to write down thoughts and share with others, it was cathartic and liberating as well. Separating self from actions and forgiving self, forgiving shame, and forgiving others I held resentment towards. Resentment is a form of envy anyway, just let it go. Mindfulness keeps me from acting out again, always asking myself, “why am I feeling this emotion,” taking the time to respond instead of an instant reaction I’ll regret.
Be kind to yourself and I wish you continued success!
Just trying to help. Anyways, you also mentioned your desire to check in more often.
Perhaps posting on the daily check-in thread would be a good solution. I find that it helps me a lot, particularly in times after a relapse. Everyone is so encouraging there. And we spur one another on. And offer insight. And while some go into detail about what’s going on in their lives, other simply just say I’m checking in for the day and that’s it.
It’s probably the one thread that has the most value in all of TS. I know of members that never have posted on any other thread besides that one. And they now have years of sobriety. It’s like a powerful meeting that one can return to all throughout the day at any time. And it’s so easy. And makes recovery so much more fun.
Day 11. Sobriety is going well and steady at the moment.
Had a great day, so far at least! I’m also just getting ready to go and see a play in the theatre. Haven’t done that in loooooong while. But we got some good discount tickets from the organisation where I volunteer.
We also had a baby shower for a friend yesterday at my place. It was great fun too. We had some trouble getting everything organised on time, but we were able to surprise her in the end! So I would call that a success.
@Milele I just finished reading the whole thread and bless you for sharing all of this with everyone.
I appreciate and respect your struggle and am sending all of my positive spiritual and emotional support to you through his message!!
Hello! Thank you for sharing this. I dont see a lot about this topic on here. This is what I’m in recovery for. It’s been a hard thing to come to terms with. I’ve been going to SLAA and SAA meetings online for a few weeks now.
If you have any advice on how i can find a sponsor please let me know! Thanks
Thank you for this honest and open post.
