Mirrors are very useful. We use them almost everytime we go to the bathroom. Whether it is to fix our hair or just glancing up as we wash our hands. I never paid much attention to my reflection before. However, now being 8 days in I cannot stand the sight of myself. The past keeps creeping in when I lease expect it and once again I am filled with so much shame, self disgust, guilt and embarrassment. So many I wishes. I wish I could turn back time; I wish I had been strong enough to stop; I wish I had said no; I wish I hadn’t sent that text; I wish I would have walked away; I wish I hadn’t hung out with so and so; I wish I hadn’t hurt myself. 
So much self criticism comes out when I see my reflection, and I just can’t take it. So, I avoid it. I’m afraid if I keep listening then I will never reach a point of growth. I will never build up my self worth, my self esteem, my self confidence that I am not like I was before. I’m changed. I’m not that person anymore. 
In the mirror is not who you are. In the mirror is body you can see. Who you are is in your mind. And this you can’t see in the mirror. But because of this you can be whoever you want to be if you allow yourself to.
your past is also a reflection, you can’t touch it or hold it, you can’t change it and it only reacts when you decide to look into it.
You also seem to wish a lot of things didn’t happen, how about you start making different wishes about the things you can make happen.
Like what?
The saying no pain no gain isn’t just for physical changes it’s also works for emotional change, to grow we have to learn to live with feelings. As an alcoholic I would to drink to not feel so when getting sober and all those feelings came up I realised I had to face them. Feelings cannot hurt you, I now acknowledge that they exist, accept the past and move on… 
How do you just accept the feelings and move on? What do you tell yourself?
It takes work, I know for me I can put myself down way better than anyone else can!
It’s easy to “wish” things from the past were different but they cannot, it’s already happened.
For example, If your friend was saying these type of comments about themselves to you would you reply with, yeah you are pretty shitty and a terrible person? I doubt it, yet we are ok to do it to ourselves? I’m learning to treat myself how I would treat someone I love, because I deserve it. Yeah I’ve done terrible things and have many many moments I wish I could change but at the end of the day I am changing by staying sober and learning to love myself. Your still in the early days so just be gentle with yourself 
It could help to imagine other person instead of you. Somebody you really love. And imagine he/she has done the same mistake. Would you punish them or would you rather support them? The same behaviour you’d show to the person you love, you should apply to yourself too. It means you love yourself and believe me, there is no reason in the world why you shouldn’t to.
We all made mistakes, because it’s the way how to learn. If we can forgive to others, we can forgive to ourselves.
I always persinally imagine myself as a child and I can’t be hard with myself anymore, because I deeply love the small inmocent child I used to be. Time and experiences made me to be who I am now. Hut whoever I am, I am still the small girl too. I love myself, because I love her and we’re one.
Every day is my choice who I want to be.
Thanks. You’re right if my friend said that I’d probably would have reacted with kind words of encouragement and love. The thing is is that I just don’t feel like I deserve it. I never got that type of love for myself growing up, and I just can’t seem to get it for myself now that I’m grown. I never thought about treating myself how I treat others; I’ll have to keep that in mind.
I know it feels like these things will haunt you forever, but they won’t. You’re right to recognise the potential impact on your self esteem though - amazing self awareness! Something I wish I’d done earlier in sobriety (or maybe just in my life, ha).
If you aren’t already familiar with Tara Brach, I’d recommend checking out her stuff. She has some stuff around RAIN (recognise, allow, investigate, nurture) that I find helpful. Either as a meditation or a journalling prompt.
Also I don’t know where you are in the world but if you have access to CBT then that could also be useful. I am currently doing some stuff around thinking traps and how to challenge them. Similar to RAIN but packaged in a different way.
@Cottontail I have a suggestion. you dont seem to be able to get over your past, because you dont think you deserve it. I suggest you give yourself 5 compliments everyday while looking at a mirror. It will probably be very awkward, but it has great effect
As much as I’d hate to admit it, you’re right. Five compliments? Yeah it feels awkward. Sort of like I’m lying to myself. 
@Cottontail I started this thread a while back, you may find it a useful exercise: What do you like about yourself?
You’ve got to make sure they’re meant compliments. Don’t say anything you don’t believe. I am certain that you believe that you have good qualities.
I can probably believe them for a short period of time, but then I just criticize them. Idk. I’m just really struggling with the self love and the whole idea that my life has value and that I deserve a good life. I mean when you’re called worthless and stupid your entire life yah kind of end up believing it.
Thank you. I’ll try it.
At first it is yeah, I had the same problem, but overtime when you become clean and sober for longer and give yourselves compliments, you will start to believe it and you will know that you have value