Missing Mom

Today is an emotional day to say the least. My mom was ripped away from me sep 2019 from cancer that spread throughout her body. I’ve been sober for 32 days and today was very raw and open. I allowed my self to cry when I felt the overwhelming swell in my throat that CANNOT be swallowed. And I tried to be happy for the other mothers today… but I miss my mom too much to even really wish anyone a happy mother’s day… :unamused: I don’t want to drink but I don’t want to feel… this is what I was afraid of… allowing that pain… That pain. I just wanted to share. If anyone else is going through something similar… you are not alone. One more hour till midnight… happy 24…


I’m so sorry for your loss Janellie. I feel your pain. My mom was ripped away from me in July 2018 from cancer too. She was diagnosed one day and gone a few days later. Unfortunately, I was deep into my addiction and never properly grieved her passing. I’ve been working on it since getting sober 19 months ago but today was particularly difficult. Sending you a huge hug!! :hugs: :broken_heart: May our moms R.I.P. I’m sure they’re very proud of our recovery progress.


Hey Janellie, thank you so much for sharing. This was my second Mother’s Day without my mother. I celebrated my mother in law at her place this morning. I was even happy for everyone I saw out and about celebrating the special women in their life. But on my rainy drive home, I balled my eyes out. It came out of the blue and hit me like a ton of bricks. I spent the rest of the day relaxing, watching Harry Potter, getting a little work done and most importantly not expecting much from myself. I also checked in with my breath and mental chatter as much as I could, letting myself know that it was ok to feel however I felt. Today wasn’t a great day, but that’s ok. Sober, I was able to bear witness to my grief and process the difficult emotions. If I were drunk or using, I would have stuffed those feelings down, numbing them out in the short term, but giving them the chance to fester and toxify by laying underneath the surface. Sobriety brings light, breath, oxygen to the matter at hand and let’s us deal with life just as it is.I am so so sorry for your loss. Sending you lots of love from NJ💛


The same story here, my mom died of breast cancer 16 years ago. So motherday is a difficult day for me as well. I burned a candle for her and thought about her a lot.
Thank you for posting this :heart:
Congratulations with your 32 sober days, you made your mom proud.


That just hits. I know that’s exactly what I did. I feel I put a majority of my grieving on pause and spent most of my energy protecting my alcoholism instead of feeling. It feels good to process… I’m sorry for your loss… and thankyou for the hug. Definitely sending you a hug!!! Thank you for sending out some heartbeats…:heart:


Stuffing them away… that is it Exactly!!! If I wasn’t sober I wouldn’t be able to… hell be able. This mother’s day didn’t devour me… thankyou for sending me this. I was afraid to feel these emotions but the crying feels good. You hit the nail on the head. I’m glad you were able to celebrate the day for another mom. I commend you for that… I feel so selfish not being able to really to say it to other moms… did you go through that? Thank you for reaching out… I’ve got happy tears this morning. I needed this support. Thank you for the heartbeat💛


Thankyou for reaching out as well. It’s a lonely feeling. Christmas is one thing but Mothers Day… man I’m welling up with tears as I write this… Mothers day will always hurt more because I want to shower her with gifts and make her laugh and give her, her favorite meal and… be like the other kids in the group… but one day at time. This year I was definitely stronger to say the least. Thanks for sharing a heart beat. :green_heart:


Every year feb 5th, mother day and May 24th are hard for me. My moms birthday and her day of passing which was 1 week before my birthday 8 years ago. She had a brain tumor that was removed successfully and she went through months of recovery and we had finally moved her into an assisted living home. She passed less than a week later. I was suppose to go visit her after work one evening but I made up some excuse because of whatever reason and didn’t go. The next morning I got the call while at work that she passed suddenly and they said it was an aneurysm. I have never felt my heart shatter like that. And to be honest I never really grieved her the way she deserved. I spent almost 6 months without a job, living on insurance money and being drunk each day most days before noon.
I have her ashes in a memorial area inside my grandads China cabinet and I talk to her pretty regularly. I have an old phone that has some old messages I’ll listen to. The hurt for me hasn’t really gone away but it has become manageable. Good job staying sober through Mother’s Day. It’s a hard day for sure. :heart:


I call my mother in law each year or go see her. I can celebrate her and that she is the reason I’m a wife but I feel resentment and jealousy towards most people who still have their mother. I have to correct myself sometimes with my thoughts. Especially when I see an older person who still has parents. I lost my mom at 27 so it feels unfair

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Oh surely I did. Right after it happened. I think it comes with time. What was important for me was acknowledging where I was at and not doing stuff I wasn’t comfortable with. At THIS point, it felt good to do something for someone else. My MIL is her own complicated person with her OWN mixed feelings about Mother’s Day. Keeping myself occupied making the day a great one for her felt like being of service, and that was good for me. But, right after it happened? Nope. It was ice cream, the couch and a lot of tears.
This whole feeling of our feelings thing is new to a lot of us, so I think it takes time for us to really get to know what our feelings are, and how we best take care of ourselves while we are having them. It’s like learning to care for those emotional parts of ourselves that maybe never got figured out when we were younger. I think it’s some of the most important work we can do. Hoping today is better for you :yellow_heart: