I haven’t seen my daughter in 7 months due to my ice addiction. Her mother needs me to get time up sober before I see her. Last time I saw her for the first time in a year I turned up high on meth and left our little picnic catch up in an ambulance. Fucked up everything.
I have really strong feelings about being a shit father which are valid but I don’t have pictures of her more recent than when she was a newborn and she is now 3 years old.
I feel terrible that I’m not present in her life and that it’s because I put meth first and hate myself for that
Parenting is about safety. Children need a safe place to explore the world, so that when they become adults, they can live independently, in safe ways. (Notice I didn’t say “perfect”. “Perfect” is a fantasy. I said “safe”.)
There’s a lot of ways that you can be her father in safe ways. Working your sobriety, with a program (for example, www.NA.org or one of the programs here: Resources for our recovery), and showing up to supervised visits sober, is safe. If you do that, you are being her father and keeping her safe.
You are capable of doing this. You are capable of providing a safe space for your daughter to grow up. And when you do that, you are being her father. It doesn’t matter where or how often you see her physically, just as long as she is safe. (Edit to add: think of it like a soldier on deployment. Some soldiers go months or even more than a year between visits with their kids. Yet no one says they’re not a parent. You are the same. You are fighting a war against addiction. Addiction is the enemy. It will take every ounce of your strength. But it does not mean you’re not a father. You can fight and win this war, and still be a father.)
Find a program and work it. Be sincere and be ready to get uncomfortable. Remember that no one owes you anything. You’re in this because it’s the right thing to do and you are choosing to do the right thing. Whatever happens after that, you can’t predict - just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time.
Sending you love and prayers brother. You’re a good person. You deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self.
I can’t even imagine the pain you are experiencing. I wish I could give you a big hug. Just keep working on your recovery and a reunion with your daughter will be in your future.
Hey Tim. You are in a really tough spot. Hating yourself is both ineffective and a waste of energy you need to fight this thing. You can do this but freedom won’t come riding in on a unicorn on the rainbow highway.
Matt’s advice is solid. Every journey begins with the first step. I am glad you’re here.
Thanks much mate that really resonated with me. That picnic was the only time I was on ice n seeing her and I hate that happened. I am totally compliant with my child’s mother’s parameters she has set to allowed me visitation. I actually fired her a text and said I’m doing 6 months rehab and then if I am still 100% clean 6 months after that then i would ask to see her. I said I want to be persistent reliable and responsible cos I said myself I won’t see her for another year cos I don’t want to be coming into her life then relapsing n therefore being unable to see her so I’ve done bit of research and know a child needsa stability and consistency so when I do reintroduce myself to her I will be regularly seeing her and she can be shown her father loves her and is there for her. Daughters need a father, a proper father. I need to educate her on her expectations how how men should treat her. My sister had a father who wasn’t involved in her life from age 3 to 30 Nd she developed quite bad side effects from it.
I want to be the father my daughter deserves. My Eleanor needs her dad so I gotta fkn pull my head in. I’m 31 n still an addict my girl deserves a father not a junkie
Good to hear brother. Life gives us challenges and gifts hand in hand to help us stand up and walk forward, to grow and be the people we can be. This is your opportunity
Just keep working on your recovery and a reunion with your daughter will be in your future.