Missing people, places, things

Emotional Support
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hi my friends. makin a space for us to share who, where, or what we miss and why (if we know). i’ll start us off :]

what (or who) inspired me to make this is how much i miss a friend rn. they weren’t an old using friend, but instead an AMAZING person i met at my last job and cherish dearly. we’re so much alike, they’re truly like a sibling to me. before i felt i belonged in AA (or any “A”), i felt i belonged whenever i was with them.

now, maybe i’m just a big ol baby, but i haven’t seen them since i quit my job and it hurts me. i know they have a life, so do i, but i think my selfish nature is too draining to them. i talk too much about me, keep them out late at night bc i enjoy being around them, and don’t ask about their life enough. i’m a bad friend, yall.

i think that realization, “i’m a bad friend”, got the gears turning in my head. the “i need to fix myself” gears. selfishness is my addiction, anything that brings me joy, distracts me, numbs me, it’s all me.

i wanna get better yall, not just for myself (me me me!), but for the people i love and who love me. to be someone they’re proud to know and call their son, brother, uncle, friend, partner, whatever i am (lol).

alright alright, i had my time haha! turning it over to you, my friends :] best wishes and i hope you’re well <3

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back. still missing that friend.

i also miss that feeling i had occasionally as a kid. back when i didn’t care what i looked like or if people thought i was weird. now i think about that too much, my weight, how i look, what people think, how much attention i’m getting. it sucks.

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me agaaaain lol.

missing a different friend today. my friend i met the first time i tried to get sober at 18. i haven’t heard from him in over a year now i think, but he’s on my mind A LOT. i even thought i saw him several times a couple months ago, but it was just people who looked like him.

i’m scared he’s dead. like, terrified. he didn’t see the value in himself or his life and still struggled a lot with using and recovery. he thought AA was bullshit, so did i at the time, and we relapsed together the first time i relapsed. maybe he’s distancing himself from me bc he thinks i’m still using?

i dunno, but i just tried looking him up online to see if he’s in jail, if i could find his number somehow (i know, creepy), literally any indication that he’s okay. i don’t even care if he hates me, he’s my brother and i want the best for him. i’m hurting, yall. i want him to feel the goodness i feel rn.

that’s it i guess.

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