I made the ultimate relationship mistake this time. I drank again and again and got deep in it again. I fucked up this time and now I’m at an all time low. I have never felt so deep in a dark hole in my life. Day after day I drag everyone down around me and make them hurt as bad as I do. Idk where to go from here. I can’t imagine how I will ever forgive myself. I know I deserve this and I deserve the pain I’m feeling but why do I fucking doing this to myself. Why am I destroying my life. I know I can’t drink. I know what it does. why did I do this…
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You fall into the drink because you’re addicted and the addiction is powerful. It comes before everything and everyone. My advice is to draw your line in the sand and start working hard on your sobriety every single day… put it before everyone and everything. We’re either working on sobriety or we’re working on relapse. Don’t put yourself in situations where alcohol is around, avoid it at all cost. Pick what fits you best and dive in headfirst… Meetings, podcasts, books, videos, of course this place. This of course is only my advice, Best wishes to you.
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You are not a failure, you’re only human, mistakes are allowed to be made even if they are repeatedly. Not many people know this but rock bottom has a basement. Sometimes it will be harder for most to maintain. It’s part of the process and no matter how hard it gets, you will be able to get through this. One day at a time.
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Self compassion and self love can heal those wounds we inflict on ourselves. I have found sobriety to be the place where I was finally able to open up to the idea that I was worthy of compassion, love, care, health and healing. I had beat myself up for so long, I didn’t know there was another path waiting for me.
You can let go of this life that is killing your spirit, your self, your relationships. You can give your self the gift of sobriety and grace. You can start right now. 
You deserve the healing that sobriety offers.
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For me, the answer was because I’m an alcoholic. I had developed an addiction to alcohol and in the moment, the craving for alcohol outweighed any potential consequences, so I chose to drink.
Just know, healing is possible; healing self and relationships, but you have to put down the bottle. You can start now. Just be sober right now and that healing process will begin.
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Relationships will heal over time if they’re meant to, and you’ll be able to forgive yourself at some point. The main thing right now is to choose whether you want to continue on, or start the healing process by stopping right now.
Time to stop digging and start making your way back out.
You can do this.
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Thank you all very much. I feel like I’m on a seesaw today. Grieving my life and then feeling some sort of deep deep hate. I wish I could go back and start all over. I feel so buried in my own thoughts
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I had to fix the drink problem first. Healing relationships started with me not being drunk. Then I needed a long time (months) sober, working on my program before beginning more repairs.
@Dan531 said it -we drink because we’re drunks. We get sober working on sobriety.
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I’ll sugarcoat your toast, just once.
At least your not alone.
And the butter on the toast
Now I’m going to burn your toast
In order for us to see that there a hole, sometimes, we have to get in it. I know i did. More importantly, see THE mistake.
I want to encourage you to get to a meeting. Sit there. Participate.
Listen
Listen
Listen
If you have hit your bottom, you will know it.
Don’t worry about a sponsor, YET, you’re not alone.
Even basketballs hit bottom, your only choice now is to get up.
Start strong Friend
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I woke up another day sickly anxious. Reminded of all of the mistakes I made. I don’t know how to wake up like this every day and feel this guilt…
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Anxiety and guilt and shame, all of these feelings will ease over time.
For me, it’s best to let these feelings come. It is hard! But letting myself feel the emotion helps me to process it and ultimately move on from it.
I do hope you are able to work through your feelings so you feel better soon. Remember we’re all here to help
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It’s a paralyzing state of being with which I’m to familiar. I’m in the mids of it too. I hold on to the promises of working the twelve steps and what my sponsor tells me. He says it will pass too and eventually there will be more peace. There is no quick fix for it and drinking for sure won’t help. So I just take it step by step 
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No Love – you don’t deserve to be in pain and no one deserves this lifestyle. I used to feel this way too and have realized that I am the creator of my own hell. As an adult I have the ability to make changes and re-design my life. This is in no way easy or doable over night. It takes a lot of effort and strength that we all have - just need to tap into it. We can not do this alone.
The addict in you is strong and it is destroying your life from every angle. You need to be stronger - need to want to kick the addiction - need to make amends with those around you and with yourself.
- Are you able to go to meetings and seek help?
- Great job in reaching out here - this is a very loving and supportive community and we are all on this journey for self improvement. Read around you will find great advice
- Can you change your daily routine - avoid people/places and things that are going to trigger you to drink (this is not permanent per se but until you are strong enough to not be triggered)
- Are you currently or would you consider going to therapy - sometimes finding out the underlying reasons for our addiction can help us better work on the recovery.
Our addiction is strong and even though we constantly say we don’t want that drink and we hate the after effects, somehow it convinces us that this time will be different and this time we can be strong enough to not let it get out of control and that this time we will be able to stop when we want…etc. Just “one” drink or just drink on the weekends - these are lies and we need to remember them as such.
I do wish you success in your journey - we are here when you need.
Thank you for the advice and input. I have reached out to a therapist to try to get some help. Today I’m 5 days sober. Forgiving myself for my mistakes that I made when I was drinking or just in my life makes it so hard to stay sober but I’m doing it. I know that addiction is strong 
I keep going day by day to make it through but waking up feeling mentally destroyed is so miserable. I keep pushing. Thank you for being so kind
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Thank you. It is paralyzing and scary. Each day is so tense
Thank you. I unfortunately even if I wanted to wouldn’t be able to avoid my feelings and thoughts. It’s exhausting
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I know its hard and exhausting but promise it does get better eventually but you have to go through the hard stuff first.
So happy to hear that you’ve reached out to a therapist - i do hope that they will help. You yourself have to work on your recovery as well - Push hard when you feel miserable (this does not mean keep going - this mean be gentle and rest when rest is needed, cry when you need to cry, scream when the urges become uncontrollable, go to meetings do whatever it takes to move out of your comfort zone and not drink! Dont’ think that you will never drink again or focus on the pain and anguish from the past. Heal for this moment in time and not drink for today. I never thought that “one day at a time” would be as powerful as it truly is – past can’t be changed and future is unpredictable we only have today and we will fight ODAAT!
Sending you the strength you need 
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I know it is hard… but use that guilt and shame as motivation or part of your why. Also staying sober is the only way you can begin to make amends for your actions.
This is your chance to live a life you want!
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Isn’t it crazy that even when we regret the things we did during drinking it makes us want to hide behind a drink?
Congratulations on your 5 days. That’s a huge achievement. Taking it one day at a time is what we are all doing.
Not all things we did, not all problems we have will be undone, forgiven or solved all at once. The hardest thing is to forgive ourselves what we have done to others and ourselves over the years. The first step is to put down the drink. Then, and only then I was able to to face my problems, my feelings which won’t kill me, my fears.
And we are here for you, as are other sober networks in form of meetings, group therapy or nonalcohol related hobbies.
I wish you all the best and keep coming back.
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You won’t have to do that for long, wake up like that, if you start actively participating in a program of recovery. Key phrase is “actively participating”.
Do you have a plan in place to help you get sober and stay that way?
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