More trauma memories (tw for sexual abuse)

Emotional Support
1

Ok so I remembered more with J and wow. Just wow.

So there was one time I was at her place and it was late and we had been drinking and I wasn’t in the mood for anything sexual but she was. I was in the kitchen getting a glass of water and she was in the living room sitting on the couch watching TV. She called me over and I went to see her and I was right in front of her. She stood up, kissed me and was running her fingers through my hair but then she grabbed me by my hair and forced me down on my knees in front of her. She started undoing her jeans with one hand holding me still with the other and I was so scared its like I couldn’t move. She said that since I didn’t want to fuck this is the least I could do for her and then she forced me and it was awful it was gross I feel gross thinking about it ugh. I know she was getting me drunk to take advantage of me but I didn’t think she was ever so violent about it. I just feel awful rn. Also I had bunch of nightmares about that last night so yay :upside_down_face:.

2

Are you seeing a therapist?

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Yeah but I haven’t been able to see her for a few weeks now and its getting difficult. I have another appointment Tuesday but it feels so far away rn

4

Are there other people you can talk to about these things? Are you able to journal about them? Sometimes just getting it out can give some relief. Hope you’re having a better day today.

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I’m so sorry that you had to go through abuse. I too was also purposely taken advantage of while intoxicated. And coming to realize events of the past as a whole brand new memory or starting to see things from an outside person’s perspective is sucky. But you’re here and taking positive steps in your life for you. I know tuesday feels faraway, but were always here and you can go to RAINN.org or call them at 800-565-4673 and they can connect you to service’s nearby. This is if you’re in the USA. But the point is lots of love, I understand, you’re great.

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