I use to not worry about mortgage and bills,. Everything is always paid, but pre my divorce it looked like i would be mortgage free by 55 but now i have a mortgage till I’m 74! I’m not complaining, i have a good job… but its daunting to think I’m still paying a mortgage so far into the future… after squared off bills, council tax, petrol, generic stuff not sure what I’m working for orher rhan to cover costs of living.
I am amazed how folks starting off can afford anything these days. Being sober probably makes me more aware of where my money is going… there wqs always money for wine ! How does that work ?
Dull post, apologies, ramblings on a Thursday morning
I have to apply “one day at a time” to everything in my life. Thinking too far into the future is mentally exhausting.
If I said your statement to my sponsor, her reply would be “You have a home? You have a job to pay for that home?” Basically, she insinuates I should find gratitude.
Then she would suggest I flip my script and say “I GET to have a mortgage, a home and a job.” All the things I could have easily lost during active addiction.
For full transparency…I ended up having to sell my home in sobriety and now I rent. All due to things outside of my control, not addiction. But I did recently complain to my sponsor about my car and her response was what I posted above.
I agree with your sponsor. During my divorce i lost my home, my family and almost my job and ended up sofa surfing for a few months till i started again once the settlement was sorted. Which was a horrible experience.
I try to not plan too far ahead… but failing miserably today will do my planning and then switch off
I think before i was complacent about what i had and when i lost it, it really unsettled me, i started drinking after 2.6 years of sobriety as i felt ‘f@k it’ whereas now i feel a sense of caution about things… wanting to make sure everything is covered…if i get hit by a bus the mortgage is sorted,.my wife is ok etx… probably i need to just relax a little.
Take a deep breath and walk away from it for now! All that planning takes a toll on our mental health. You don’t want to push yourself to the brink of relapse. Remember… not all of this needs to be sorted out in one day.
I find myself future tripping about things that may never happen such as getting hit by a bus, so I can relate to your way of thinking.
I totally get this, it does feel very overwhelming. We will be buying next year and I am absolutely terrified of the huge debt we will be taking on, and the monthly repayments. I don’t have huge demands in life, just want a stable home. I look around me at friends with huge houses and multiple foreign holidays, new cars, and I don’t need that, but I am scared at how much it costs just to get by.
I think we just have to break it down into smaller chunks, and be grateful we are not wasting money on wine anymore!
Hi. I completely get what you are saying about the bills. You live in the uk I think? I gotta say that things are extreme at the mo here. My hubby and i both work, he has a great job on a nice wage I earn around 20k a year, give or take. We both don’t drink or smoke and the kids have moved out so that expense has gone. At the end of every month for the last week we have nearly bugger all left! It’s ridiculously expensive in this friggin country lately. I think we just have to focus on the fact that everything is paid for each month and be grateful that we have a home. And that we’re safe. Hopefully the world will settle down and things will ease up a little for everyone. Focus on today, try not to think of the “for ever”. I just wanted to let you know that I get it. At least we’re sober. Imagine going to bed at night pissed and the worry/anxiety and stress that would magnify 1000 times. I think you’re doing great just breaking even, we both are.
Thank u for the replies. Means alot to me. Today I’m making some pasta dough and then some different types of pasta…so pleased to be sober thes days. The uk (I’m in Cornwall) is so expensive st the minute… so a clear head makes an amazing difference.
Was in Cornwall this year visiting friends we met in Crete , As for money matters i had three companies a 400k house in Bishops Stortford but booze took that away and my Wifes boyfriend lol moved out after 13 years of marriage no kids thank god ! back to Scotland i came three plastic bags slept rough till my parents took me in my companies went bust tax man wanted 56k ,just came of Ativan was shaking alot lol . My Lawyer did a runner ? by this time i was going to AA , that was in 1986 ,got a job with my sponsor and he suggested i start a business as i was a qualified gardener so i did in 1990 ,paid the tax back in a few years and met my wife in 1991 got married in 1994 started another business up aswell , my two sons came along 1995/1997 i was sponsoring then and speaking at meetings had bought my mothers house and my wife had a flat in Edinburgh and we had a house in Glasgow , when my mum died we sold our properties and moved into my mums , 2003 moved to Larkhall my companies doing great we were fostering at this time aswell we bought a ten bed guest house which my wife ran , we moved again in 2017 that year my two older brothers died 2020 my twin brother died i retired at 70 years of age, 71 now we travel a lot , no mortgage or money problems , so staying sober mind set change desire effort and meetings changed my life there is also good outcomes of being sober ,wish everyone well
I am not sure if others have written this so I apologize if I am repeating, but there is also a cost of living crisis right now. The cost of many daily expenses has increased, if not doubled. I read a study speaking specifically to cost of groceries saying avg family in my country spending additional 400 per month on groceries. Easily extra $5000 per yr on groceries in home. House heated on propane, price has doubled since COVID and costing us about $1000 per month. Just these two expenses suck so much of our income, yet cannot live without food and heat. We have a woodstove we want to install, got a quote just for the piping it was almost 8 grand. Easily dpuble what it would have cost a few years ago…
I do not say these things just to complain, but I hear people everywhere talking about this. When i step in grocery store, bank, droppi g kids off at school. We are all being squeezed, many of us feel sucha level of personal responsibility around our finances and yet. This is a global phenomenon, at least in developed nations that is out of peoples control. I try to be savvy about hpw I spend, i refuse in some areas (like that wood stove no i cannot afford to do that), but also recognize this is not in my control. There are those in the industry/in positions of poŵer who create this dynamic for their own gain (i am trying so hard not to get too political here, and its really hard LOL) where the everyday person is struggling financially. People my age CANNOT afford a home unlrss their parents pay for dpwn payment, and it isnt bc they are irresponsible or made poor life choices. It is not affordable.
So is some of this for you to reflect in your life, yes of course. Do we have to accept though things we cannpt change? To some degree for peace everyday we do, to anpther degree accepting the shit that rolls downhill onto the avg person is how people in power get by. I just want you to know: financially this is not just you. It is not just your fault. The cost of living is becoming difficult and unmanageable. For me I have to balance being grateful for what I do have, and being vocal about where the dynamic of unaffordable living comes from. Xo.
Thank you for this, it’s really appreciated. I am enjoying being clearer in my mind and planning ahead and prioritising things other than what wine to get and when
Count me in here with you @Timetochange
My variable mortgage rate has gone from 1.3% to 6.1% since October 2021.
If you had asked any economist or mortgage professional back in 2021 whether this hike rate and hold cycle would have been sustainable, the prediction would be that middle class people would be losing their houses left right and centre.
For the first time in my life (I’m close to 40) lately I am carrying a balance on a line of credit just to float me for a little while.
If I had been one of those people financing a new pickup truck or SUV every few years and buying a boat in my 20s and 30s, it’s pretty likely I’d be having to sell my house right now.
One more good reason to not have a fridge full of beers these days!!!
will do my planning and then switch off 
LOL) where the everyday person is struggling financially. People my age CANNOT afford a home unlrss their parents pay for dpwn payment, and it isnt bc they are irresponsible or made poor life choices. It is not affordable.