Hi everyone! I’m Mossy, I’m a video games addict who’s been trying and failing to quit or moderate since 2020 (possibly earlier) but I want to keep trying, I want to put the trampled pieces of my life back together. I’ve also recently admitted to myself that during “successful” times I’ve been replacing hours of gaming with hours of scrolling social media which I also find impossible to stop once I’ve started, so I need to reflect on that, be honest with myself and so on.
As a person who has a bad relationship with social media, an active forum like this one is a pretty dangerous place for me (I just know that it would be so easy to spend hours reading through past threads feeling like I’m doing something useful but I’m really just scrolling) but it is light years away from content like youtube or instagram reels. Also, in the past a lot of my attempts to quit have been private, even secret, and the hopelessness of not having anyone to lean on or ask questions when it was difficult made me feel so stupid and alone and always drove me back to the things I knew would numb the bad feelings.
(had to take a little crying break, but i’m ok, washed my face and got a cup of tea )
I need to wrap things up for today, it’s coming to the end of the time I set aside for recovery planning and reflection. I’ll do a quick check in and tomorrow I will be able to work on my plan more or maybe write up my story in a little more detail.
Check In: I have been off social media for 14 hours and I have been away from video games for nearly 2 days. The tools I will use to stay “sober” today are:
Only access online recovery resources during the allotted time (that’s right now!). Podcasts about recovery are OK anytime, scrolling google search results looking for new podcasts is not (I probably should think about getting a paper book or printing off some ITAA literature in the future)
Use podcasts, music, easy-to-read books, and time outside to help manage boredom and cravings. I have an mp3 player that’s not connected to the internet.
Meditate and connect with my higher power before bed, if I have time.
Go out to a board games evening with my Mum
Drink a lot of tea!
Enjoy my university studies!
Good luck everyone here with your sobriety journey today! I would love some music reccommendations that get you through tough times, as I think I’m going to be listening to a lot more music than normal over the first few weeks!
Wow, I have never seen anyone on this forum with an addiction so similar to mine. And what an insane coincidence that you’ve restarted your journey a day before I have
I hope you’ll have a good day today, fighting the good fight
I have a gaming addiction too. It just pales into insignificance next to my alcohol addiction. Currently managing the alcohol addiction seems to be helping with the gaming addiction as I don’t have a lot of spare time while I am working on my recovery. I do know I will tackle it separately if it comes up again.
@Crazy_Dutchie Oh, that is a fun coincidence! Hi, nice to meet you! Hopefully our journeys will continue side by side here on TS Have a good day today too, take care of yourself!
@Lastry I think a lot of stuff we do in recovery, doesn’t matter what we’re recovering from, is about learning to take care of ourselves and fill our needs in healthy ways. This builds resilience skills, so it makes sense that managing your alcohol addiction could be helping you in other areas of your life too! Have a good day today, take care of yourself!
I am running over time again so a very quick check in:
Right now I have 1 day of no social media and 2 days of no video games. I am super proud of this time! It was very difficult!
Yesterday it was really hard to not look at social media. As I feared, the urge to check this forum and just see if I had any notifications was extremely strong, especially as I didn’t realise it would email me about new posts! Yikes!
Anyway, having written a list of the tools I would use was really helpful! I wrote it in my notebook as well as on the forum and even just looking at the list was usually enough to let the feeling pass.
I’m going to try and leave my smartphone upstairs today. It is useful for a lot of non-social-media things, but the temptation of having it in my pocket all day is very tiring. I will need to carry a notebook or something though because I use my smartphone a lot to help manage my short term memory issues.
“One Day At A Time” is also extremely powerful. I can’t imagine the idea of never looking at youtube again, but I can imagine avoiding it for one day. And then all it takes is one day after one day after one day…
I need to do some more proactive recovery work, not just avoiding my bottom lines but also filling my life with things that meet the needs I was filling with games and social media, but I’m so busy with my assignment this week it’s going to have to wait a few days.
The tools I will use to stay “sober” today are:
Only access online recovery resources before 10am (I’m actually over by like 20 minutes already but this was important yesterday so I still want to do it)
Podcasts, music, time outside. My easy-to-read book for today is Pawn of Prophecy by David Eddings
Leave my phone upstairs as much as possible
Meditate and connect with my higher power, if I have time
Watch a film with my sibling when they get back from school
Drink a lot of coffee!
Enjoy my university studies!
Good luck everyone with your journeys today! We’ve got this!
Another night, another stupid relapse, another 6 hours of sleep lost to the stupid rectangle..!
Being a tech addict makes me feel so pathetic. It’s “just” the internet, what’s the problem? Not like it’s drugs or alcohol, can’t I just browse in moderation like anyone else? I should just use some willpower! Just install a website blocker! Just turn my phone off! I tried that! I tried that! I’ve been trying that for 5 years!
Then, because I think it’s pathetic of me, I struggle to take it seriously, and then I start making stupid mistakes. Of course I can have a smartphone if it’s for work, ooh and also use it to read books, or download just a simple little game, or watch just one youtube video. Of course something so ordinary and fun and harmless won’t result in me staring at a screen for 10 hours not eating not sleeping and lying to my friends and family about it. I’m not a real addict! Ha!
Of course I know logically this is all rubbish, I’ve done my reading on behavioural addiction and talked to plenty of folks with the same problems as me. I know I can and should take my experiences seriously and treat myself with honesty and respect and blah blah… It’s just one of those bad mental health things, I think, and the frustration of breaking this promise to myself over and over, and the shame I feel over my addict brain finding dozens of excuses to justify going back to what makes it feel good.
I’m so tired.
Reset the clock. I have to keep trying. Another day 1.
I am taking this seriously and being cautious of my triggers.
This morning I did some colouring and drawing with a younger sibling. This afternoon I’m going to the board games cafe to play Hegemony - really looking forward to that!
This morning I was reading about the importance of keeping in mind the negatives that came with the compulsive behaviour, and imagining (or remembering) the good things that come with a fulfilling, sober lifestyle. So here are some of those:
Reading fanfiction kept me up late night after night, resulting in exhaustion, angry days, and difficulty doing anything.
Constantly listening to something or looking at my phone made me a jerk who wasn’t interested in listening to anyone, not even my family members trying to tell me things or include me in activities, I was just interested in my media. It doesn’t matter how good the media was if afterwards I just feel guilty and selfish and lonely.
Getting enough sleep makes mornings my favourite part of the day. I love getting ready early and planning a good day ahead! And I feel so much better mentally and physically when I get enough sleep regularly.
Having no headphones on is great because I feel more real and part of the world, I feel quieter and calmer and have the space in my mind to process things and know what to do. And I have my wonderful earplugs if I ever need to block out an annoying noise. And they won’t give me tinnitus!
Zero days no compulsive tech use. (Still trying to find a non-clunky way to phrase that)
I really didn’t want to check in today, but it doesn’t do me any good to not be honest with myself.
It’s been a few hours so I’m calm now. The one thing really giving me hope is that relapses, although setbacks, never take us all the way back to square one. I’ve learned more of my triggers and can adapt my strategy further. I have more evidence in my arsenal of how bad (disconnected, lost, running out of time, guilty, stupid…) social media really makes me feel, no matter what the cravings say.
Anyway.
I got some really good news today! I have a job! And I can start this week! I’ve been unemployed for a really long time so this is a huge step for me. I’m a little worried that the work will be difficult, but there’s nothing I would rather be doing.
I’m going to live life with my head out of the sand, one day at a time.
Unless something comes up, I’ll start my new job tomorrow! I’m nervous! Today is for getting a lot of odds and ends ready- I need a haircut and so on.
Feeling good about no tech today. I just have to be careful and take it seriously and it will be an annoyance rather than suffering. One day at a time!
One of the big triggers for my tech use is idle time and especially bedtime. Yesterday evening went well, though. Often when I go to bed tech-free I can’t sleep and just feel wild with restlessness and anxiety. But last night I slept relatively easily! (Still not great but I was asleep within 2 hours which is a huge improvement.) My current theories are that this was either because I went for a long evening walk or because I carefully did my whole evening routine to the letter and then read a little to calm down right before bed.
Hopefully my future has many more easy nights, now that they won’t be filled by scrolling my phone when I should be sleeping.
Today was my first day at my new job and it was way more taxing than I expected (like, “crying uncontrollably for 2 hours on and off after I got home because I was so tired and stressed” levels of taxing) but you know what? I didn’t open a website. I didn’t load up a game. I didn’t have to reset my Sober Time clock.
Now I feel like if I can do a day like that and not “need” tech to cope, I can do anything! I haven’t had this level of confidence in my “sobriety” for years. It’s nice!
(Jesus Christ though, I hope this was just first day troubles and I get used to the job. I don’t have time for a breakdown 5 times a week)
)
Have a good day today too, take care of yourself!
