Life in recovery is hard when your mother dies. Anyone with some advice?
Sorry for your loss, personally I’ve not experienced anything like this in my sobriety but I would like to think it would be the time to stick to the basics and continue to do what has kept me sober so far and the most important part of that is talk to others. You don’t have to go through anything alone anymore, we got your back.
Grieve. Allow this, as it is the natural response to losing a loved one, and the fastest way through it, is to go through it.
I lost my mother, and tired to drown the grief with booze. Didn’t work. All it did was almost wreck my life. Once I got sober and allowed myself to grieve, it passed rather quickly.
I am sorry for your loss.
I’m sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself
I’m so very sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is so hard.
My mom died a year and a half ago. One thing I know is how much my sobriety meant to her. She was so fucking proud of me for quitting alcohol. I maintained my sobriety and was able to deal with my grief after her loss in a way I didn’t do when my dad died years ago during my drinking days. I think I would have benefited from dealing with his loss soberly back then rather than drinking my way through it.
The grief when my mom died was so intense for me in the beginning but with time it gets easier.
Take it easy on yourself and I hope you can find some peace.
So sorry for your loss. Just feel the feelings, and accept it will take time. Alcohol would not help this process at all.
So sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers.
My heart hurts for you . I just lost my dad in March and it sucks… so bad.
I think things that have helped me the most have been to allow all feelings and not push anything down. I’ve also leaned on loved ones for support — I am close with my mom (parents were still married) and my 4 siblings. If you have family/ close friends and they offer support, take it! Don’t feel like you have to be tough. Grief is way too hard to do alone if you don’t have to.
I also reached out to my therapist who I’ve seen on and off for years, she recommended grief support groups and “when I’m ready” to come to her. If you have the means or resources to seek professional help you could always do that too.
I will say that I briefly relapsed when my dad died and it did nothing good for me!! But I pulled myself back up “onto the wagon” and feel much better about the grieving process now. Suppressing my feelings with alcohol DID. NOT. HELP. (Shocking, I know lol )
I am sending you tons of love and hugs. I have found immense comfort in thinking of happy stories, which I am lucky enough to have lots of with my dad.
I’m so sorry to hear this. I lost my mom after I got sober. For me, it was really inportant to let go of trying to “hold it together” or “keep myself on track” as far as stuff like exercise and food were concerned.
I ate ice cream, sometimes twice a day. I binge watched Harry Potter on the couch (for some reason strangely comforting) I took baths multiple times a day, I cried freely and often. I let myself do and not do whatever as I wanted as long as it didn’t involve drugs or alcohol. I tried being unfailingly kind to myself. It was helpful in that it let the only thing I had to deal with be my grief and not also controlling anything.
*edit: thought I’d add to this that in the same vain…I took people up on their help wherever I could. Whether they wanted to sub for me so I didn’t have to teach, make me food, me a shoulder to cry on etc…I took them up on it.
Not being sober would have meant running away from the feelings and numbing out, which would only prevent when I could actually start processing the feelings…it doesn’t actually let you bypass having to do the grieving, it just muddies it up and prolongs the process. In time, the storm subsided. There is life on the other side of grief…I promise💛
Sorry for your loss
I haven’t experienced this in recovery yet, sure it’s very hard
Stand strong, grieve , stay with the pack, go to meetings, remember dealing with you’re mom’s loss sober is better than dealing with it loaded. This too shall pass friend. You just keep checking in on the daily. Love you man
I’m very sorry. So hard. ODAAT you will get through. Talking about her, thinking about her, can help unless it hurts too too much. She will always be your mother, and she is still with you, it’s just different now. Let yourself grieve. It’s painful and hurts. As time goes on it won’t be so painful.
I’m sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to find some peace and comfort in this difficult time.
Deepest condolences, I wish there was something I could say to take away some of the pain you are going through. I also wish I could give you the answer to your question and some advice on dealing with bereavement through recovery but I haven’t experienced it.
I came looking to see if there were any pearls of wisdom others had shared, my mum is in hospital with Bowel cancer at the minute and having surgery today, funnily enough I’m not tempted to drink again but just having thoughts about whether it will trigger me to walk that path again. Reading t this thread has made me so grateful for the relationship I have with my mum and that she is still here.
I truly hope you find some peace and comfort and that you manage to pull through without it affecting your recovery. Remember your mum was proud of you and who you are, she’d be proud of you staying strong and her memory will give you strength.
Here for you! Thoughts and prayers with you and your family!
Thanks to everyone’s kind words. My mom was very proud of me. I am going to miss this strong beautiful soul every day left of my existence.
Im sure your mum will be proud of you , just the good memories of your life together , sorry for your loss grieving is part of the process , ive lost my three brothers in the last five years and it takes time , stay strong and sober ,wish you well
I’m very sorry for your loss. My mother died last September and I was devastated. I stayed sober throughout the funeral plans and getting her house cleared, but then relapsed. The relapse didn’t bring any feelings of relief just added more pain.
I wish you strength and self compassion at this stressful, sad time. Rely on your family and friends for support.
I’m so sorry! My brother passed away eight years ago. The grief gets easier in time. Stay sober!
I am so sorry for your loss. As someone who lost their mother while I was still drinking and now losing my dad while I’m sober just like everybody said it is better all the way around to be sober. I mean that wasn’t drunk and the funeral or whatever but if I could go back in time I would’ve been sober years before my mother passed to truly enjoy her while she is here. And you did that! That’s incredible! That’s commendable! Be proud of yourself and cherish your mothers memory forever!.