I’ve quit drinking many times for a day or week or 2 but there has been only 2 times that I thought I made it. The first time, I was sober for 23 months! Everything was great! I hit my goal weight and was looking and feeling great but my boyfriend at the time of 8years couldn’t keep clean and ended up leaving me for someone online, posting party pictures and I thought if he could have a good time so could I! So I drank a drink…just 1 and was like see! I can drink! I taught myself control! A bill came to my house from the hospital not too long after, for an er visit where they pumped his stomach and gave him an iv drip… But it was too late to heed that warning… by that time I was already back to the wasted, angry, sloppy drunk that I was 2 years prior. It only took a few weeks and I was gaining weight and becoming intolerant.
3 years later February 2016, I am back close to the heaviest I’ve ever been, fat, lazy, miserable. Everything is everyone else’s fault and I am only drinking to numb the feelings of anger and impatience I feel for the ones around me. Things that a clear mind could resolve I just tried to forget completely with alcohol. I am about to quit my job because everyone there is intolerable and obviously out to get me! I am getting migraines almost daily (hangovers) and my newest boyfriend is gaining more and more contempt for me… I desperately try to save my mind and I quit again… I can go 2 years again I tell myself and finally after many times the sober days start adding up!! I stay sober for 9 months…
November 2017 things are going great! In the 9 months of sobriety I start my own company, buy my first new work truck and get my credit score in line to buy a new multifamily home! I come across a few snags that set me back a little and that along with the stress of the upcoming holidays makes me think, I’ll just have a shot and it will calm my nerves…I beat alcoholism twice now, not a big deal!
January 2018… I’ve only had a handful of sober days since that shot and it was only because I was hungover. I’ve already gained a few lbs and I’ve lost all my motivation. My house is a mess and my life is following close behind. Last night I didn’t drink, I have a bottle of whisky on the fridge but had no want for it because I started to feel that pain in my stomach and chest and head… you know, the pain the poison causes that makes you just want to sleep all day and eat greasy food to coat your deteriorating stomach lining…
I know I can’t drink, I know it will kill me, I know I should be terrified of alcohol. It promises peace but delivers pain…every time.
Finally! I’ve come to my senses again… Day 2 