So I was hooked on meth for 3 years, I let my reality, and my family slip out of my grasp. I messed myself up. I needed to get away from the place where I knew I could get it and had to leave the person bringing it to me…my husband. So we split up well I left and went and got sober. I left my kids with my husband and I got sober but I also found someone that I started a kind of relationship with. He helped me through the months of crazy that you still endure after coming off the shit. He held me and let me know it was ok and he would tell me how proud he was of me and my accomplishments. I had filed for divorce and was gonna leave my husband who was constantly calling and texting me and threatening to kill himself which is how he gets me to stay each time but this time I did turn my back. I had to take care of me and myself and getting sober. When I left my husband I told my boys I would be back. So here I am. 15 months sober. I stayed away for 7 months before even thinking about coming back to my home town and back to where my husband and kids were. Everyone he told judges me. I am known as a whore cuz of what my husband told ppl. He asked me to come back and told me he was done with meth just having me back was enough. That was true about the first month. Then after that he was back on it. He tells me how fucked up I was on it and how good he does on it and we can’t compare stories. Well here I am 6 months back with him, been exposed to it and said no. Still no good job babe. It’s don’t give the drug a bad name cuz I fucked you up. So every month he uses about once a week and I am having a harder and harder time with this relationship I seriously thought he forgave me and was really gonna work on our marriage but he just gets mad and acts like a little bitch everytime and throws fits like a baby and I’m so stressed I don’t wanna be around him half the time cuz he’s mean and hateful to me when he talks to me. We been married 17 years together 18. He told me the worst thing I ever did was leave him. To me that tells me he does not wanna work on our marriage. I learned in therapy why I have my addiction problems and I stopped doing pills, drinking, sex, and meth. I know I try to numb my pain or just get rid of the pain but the pain always comes back. My name is Marcia and I’m an addict. BUT I’m not gonna let my addictions define me anymore but don’t know how to deal with this man. He makes me wanna drink. Which is my main problem. Thank you to anyone who messages me.
Hang in there mama I’m so proud of you that you have not used, you cleaned up and are able to find the strength to say no. I do not have that strength in me and just worry that you will get to that point if it is around you all the time. I feel like it’s a good thing you’re there though because your children!!! Yes they fucken need you, and are probably so happy you are clear and clean!!! How old are they? Your husband sounds very toxic and like he is still in his addiction 
which can be such a turn off when you are sober and your partner is not! It’s so hard to be around someone who’s negative when you are trying to better your life and he just keeps putting you down and holding old situations against you…he needs to realize that you have started a new life and are trying to move forward but he keeps pulling you back to the bullshit. The only thing we have control over is ourselves so if he isn’t going to change maybe he would do counciling with you? All the best , hope to hear back from you,
Ahaygood
He doesn’t sound like a catch.
Hey there,
Congratulations on all your hard work!! It sounds like you have really made some positive changes. When you talk about your sobriety and recovery, you sound positive, happy, excited for what the future holds. When you talk about your spouse, you sound frustrated, angry and defeated. I think you may already know the answer to your question.
A partner is someone to share the joy and the challenges with. Someone to lean on in tough times, someone to support when they need it. They are a helpmate…not someone who drags us down or makes us feel less than with their words and actions.
No marriage is perfect, but love, trust, respect, honesty are key. It sounds like those may be missing.
You deserve a happy healing healthy life. I hope you choose YOU and do all you can to let your beautiful light shine and flourish. 
Thank you! My kids are 19, 17 and 16. Idk if they would live with me. After everything their dad said about me and told them about me they were/are kinda iffy around me still. They don’t respect like they used to as much. It’s been a hard road of bad choices and mistakes. But like I said I been back for 6 months. He tried to turn my own family against me but it’s my family and they told me everything he said. They told me they were proud of me for staying that long away from him. Now it’s disappointed looks from my family. I am LITERALLY all alone. He turned everyone against me to make me look like the bad guy when all I was was an addict in active addiction. So now I’m at the bottom trying to climb up. Proving to my kids how I’m staying sober, they can tell I am. I’m not acting like a lunatic anymore. I smoked the crap which made me worse I think. I’m trying and praying and now leaning on you guys since I can’t lean on my family or go to meetings. I’m bummed but glad I found this group. I don’t wanna leave and give up but my mental health is deteriorating every day.
You’re doing awesome, Marcia! It must feel like swimming through mud having him tear you down to everyone. That’s really shitty. I think your true friends would know you aren’t that person.
Don’t let him take your light away! I’m really proud of you! 
Thank you guys for the kind encouraging words! It helps a lot! I’m so tired of feeling down. It’s nice having someone to share my accomplishments with!!! Thank you all so much! I will try n check back everyday. Words of encouragement are always nice and someone else happy for my sobriety helps too!
Keep staying sober. He doesnt love you. Your on a good parh. I love you stranger. Remember why you got sober:heart:.
Yes it takes time to rebuild those relationships, I relate to what you said so much about loosing the respect of people and my own children! We just keep pushing forward no matter what. Is it possible to do zoom meetings? You don’t have to show your face and you can just listen on your earphones when no one is around. It’s so hard to do this alone and you don’t have to feel so alone in this. Praying for you and your family, so glad you are still stacking your clean days through all of this! I hope it gets better!
Congratulations first on your accomplishments you are not only healthier but you are a better person and mother for it.
Our journeys in recovery are not linear they are a huge roller coaster. As you know one of the largest components of staying sober is your environment. I want you to know that you are worthy. You are important. You are valued. Now unfortunately it does not seem that your husband is able to acknowledge that and is also being sort of disrespectful to you when you’re a recovery. If someone does not see your word your value your accomplishments your sacrifices then they are not worth keeping in your life.
I wish you strength to know that you can do this even if it is alone.