(This post gets long.)
My 29th birthday was on Wednesday this week, the 28th. The day itself was mostly uneventful, except for a nice dinner with my grandma, my sister-in-law, my sister, and her new baby boy who was born in September. We ate lasagna and nachos, talked and laughed.
My best friend who’s a florist had made a gorgeous bouquet that she had my sister pick up on the way to the restaurant, and she attached a funny note to it. It was perfect. 
I sat alone at home for the rest of the day, then took a trip down to the karaoke bar where I mingled for an hour, until closing time. This (admittedly very hot) guy who was very drunk hit on me, hard. We’d met before, according to him and a friend of mine who was there, but I had no memory of it and didn’t recognize him. Another downside of having been that drunk myself. The guy got super clingy and made me uncomfortable, so I went inside and met another friend.
We talked, he’d read about my sobriety on Facebook at the 2 month mark, and he praised me for it, then proceeded to ask if I wasn’t having a hard time mingling in a bar. I told him I didn’t, because I took note of how other people in there behaved, the flirting, the drama, and I knew that I’d been like that, too, and it had been one of the things that devastated me into sobriety. Two guys I’d known for years were pretty blackout and got into a vicious fight, which ended in some broken beer bottles and both of them getting arrested.
I stayed until 2, then went home because I had an important meeting the next day. I was kinda disappointed that my last birthday in my 20s was so mostly uneventful.
But that changed yesterday, on Saturday. Because after my meeting on Thursday, my brother announced in the sibling Facebook group chat that he was making some truly high-class dinner, and we were gonna watch my all-time favorite DVD live concert. My mother picked up me and three of my brothers. And two of them had bags filled with beer and vodka.
This kind of thing would had gotten me so excited three months ago. I loved drinking with only my brothers. I loved sitting around with them, watching DVD concerts and getting drunk. This time I didn’t have a 3 liter carton of red wine, which I usually would. Instead, I bought some Redbull on the way to my brother’s.
I’ve gotten addicted to Redbull after I gave up smoking two weeks ago. Don’t judge me, I’m not made of stone.
A whole lot of alcohol had already been ingested by the time we got there. One of my brothers in his 40s asked if I would be okay with sitting around sober while everybody else got drunk. I told him not to worry about it.
Because honestly, there really was nothing to worry about.
We ate dinner, watched the DVD, sang along and had a great time. I was sipping Redbull and water, occasionally going out for a cigarette with some of them. I figure that a social cigarette here and there isn’t really a big deal. In my opinion, as long as I don’t spend money on a pack, I’ve quit smoking.
Throughout the evening, I ended up one-on-one with my two oldest brothers in the kitchen. We talked about my sobriety and I got a lot of hugs, words of praise for my willpower, and loving forehead kisses. They all got drunk, and I didn’t have a problem with it.
It actually had the opposite effect. It strengthened my resolve to get my driver’s license this year. My brother, the one who was the catalyst for my sobriety after the awful fight we had on Halloween, has always been the one to pick us all up when we were going to my brother’s place outside of town. He started suffering from burnout at the start of December and has barely been able to leave his house, never mind driving us around. He’s still on sick leave from work, and he deserves the break, because he’s been running himself ragged for years.
I figured we’ve been taking him for granted, expecting him to step up every time. Someone else should take over the reins. Might as well be me, since I’ve decided to keep going with this alcohol free thing after I reach my three month milestone on Friday. I still haven’t struggled with the desire to drink, and I never would have expected that when I started this whole thing.
My oldest brother who’s 45, is one of my biggest supporters. He’s kinda started stepping up into a ‘dad role’ for me, since I never really had a dad, unlike him. Our dad was distant when I was a kid, and started suffering from dementia when I was 16. My four oldest siblings grew up with him. He died in March last year, and that was one of the reasons my alcoholism ramped up. The trauma of losing a parent I never really had, it got to me. My oldest brother knows that, and that’s why he started stepping up for me.
Yesterday, when we ended up talking alone in the kitchen, he told me that he was so fucking proud of me. That I had taken this monumental step on my own and really stuck to it, not being tempted by the huge amounts of alcohol around me last night. It got me in tears. It’s getting me in tears as I’m writing this. Us siblings have always had ways of showing each other love. But now, lately, it’s just gotten us closer. Especially me and him.
And it feels so fucking good.
I just needed to rant a little bit. All this praise, support, encouragement and love from my family just motivates me to keep going. I have nothing to earn from drinking. I can still socialize like I’ve always have, can still have a great time, and I don’t embarrass myself by doing and saying stupid things.
Just appreciating what I have. Needed to get it out.
Hope everyone has a great week. Adding pictures of my apartment that I’ve started putting some effort into lately.
Your apartment looks comfy cozy and full of birthday cheer!!
