Hello everyone. I’m quite new here. But I just had a few questions. I’m also very determined to kick this addictions ass just need a little guidance. This is my first time trying this thing alone and I have all the will in me to quit. With that said I’m having some challenges…
I am my pops only son. I have 5 sisters.
I think it’s important to mention that because as far as I can remember, ive always been his “sidekick”. I grew up in a foreign third world country. So typically my playgrounds were bars and whore houses. But my drinking problem didn’t begin until my teenager years 16-17.
I’ve been able to take care of myself since I graduated highschool. But as life goes, I fell on some hard times and I’m technically living temporarily at my dad’s again. I’m now 31. I stay in his yard in a RV so I kinda have my own little place for now.
My dad and his current wife are full time alcoholics. 30 pack a day on a afternoon with mini shots daily. Everyday. Since I’ve been here. And I’ve been here for almost 3 weeks now. That’s another reason I’m so exited and motivated by this challenge. But I also part took on the drinking since I’ve been here. I have noticed it is the only way me and my father can “talk” or “bond” and have a “good time” temporarily. I find myself blaming him and holding resentment for introducing me to this lifestyle. Im fully aware that I’m an adult and no one is “putting a gun to my head” and making me hangout. But it’s almost as if I’m obligated to because I’ve noticed him taking it veryyyyyy personal whenever I say “No.” Im good.
He’s willingness to take me to my job change because I’m so dependent on him and his help right now. He almost becomes an enemy because I don’t want to drink. Or he says things like “you don’t like hanging out with me like I hung out with my father” and I feel like I’m being guilt tripped.
I love my pops but I want change. I want better for myself. Ive tried to tell him I’m quitting or not to ask me if I’m down to drink today because I’ve drank to the point where mbmental health is declining very quick. I lost my gf because I wanted to please my dad and my own drinking problem but I’m done. I want outta here as soon as I can and I want no issues between us… Any advice?
I think your first priority needs to be finding a different place to live, not sure what kind of assistance might be available to you but start looking in to any programs if you can.
You need to be able to set boundaries with your dad, and the way this situation sounds to me is that you are effectively being coerced in to drinking with him, which is going to make any sober journey very difficult.
Best of luck to you, friend. This journey is enough of a challenge with a good support system, but you acknowledging your issue and desire to change is the biggest step.
This community seems to provide good insight as well, I usually just lurk and read for personal motivation, but there may be others who can provide some more in depth guidance here with your situation.
I’m currently working on that now. Jus gotta wait 5 more days and try to make the best of my remaining time here. It definitely makes a huge difference though.
And I’m finding this app to be really amazing. I’ve been reading through threads and realized I’m not alone. It really motivates me.
The reason that your father takes your no to a drink so personal is probably because it makes him feeling uncomfortable about his own drinking.
I agree with @HuggyB , you have to find a place elsewhere as soon as possible because this is not a healthy environment for you.
It will be difficult to move out without issues because it’s difficult to have a good conversation with someone who drinks as much as your dad. So I do not have much advice on that.
But it’s time to choose for yourself.
That’s a tough situation you’re in. I think it’d be best to try and talk to your dad about this while he’s sober. Explain how important this is for you and how serious you are about wanting to quit. Let him know that you don’t wish to stop spending time together, just not that type of time. Be clear that he knows the enemy here is alcohol, not him. I lived with another alcoholic (my ex) the first time I quit, so it can be done. You have to keep sobriety at #1 in your life at all times. No matter what!
If you keep that will strong enough, you can 100% succeed here
On a side note…My father and brother are both alcoholics in recovery. In 2020 my dad was hospitalized from drinking complications. At the hospital, my brother and I showed him our recovery chips (I had 3 months, and my brother 1 year at the time) and we told him all about AA, recovery, and how much better we were doing. Also, that we were worried about him. I think seeing us in that light inspired him bc he never took another drink It’s not something you can force, but being a good example could be the beginning
It’s not something you can force, but being a good example could be the beginning 