To be honest, I’m not really sure where to begin. I’ve been through a lot, and very recently just started to realize that as much fun as I have when I’m having some drinks it always turns into me being far more drunk then I’d like to be, then that leads to cocaine and then that leads to extremely rough days at work and in my personal life.
I know I’m better than this cycle and it’s been harder than ever to get out of it. I’m finding myself chosing to stay home and have some beers and then get high instead of just trying to socialize and see the people i care about, what makes it worse is that I hide all of those facts from everyone I care about.
I usually go on weekend benders, even if it’s just me home alone, and then Monday’s suck twice as much as they should but the rest of the week isn’t too hard of a battle unless I’m home alone. Everything just feels like such a mess … I’m having a hard time accepting it but I know what is.
Life is super heavy right now, there is just way too much shit going on and being in an altered state of mind just seems to be the only way I can let rhings go even if it’s just for a moment.
Ugh … I don’t know… I’ve got a lot to say but don’t feel like I’ve got a safe enough place to say it, so … here I am.
Day 2.
Hoping to get passed this weekend and make it to a week. I know that 1 beer leads to more and then eventually to a bag most times.
Here’s to day 2 and letting go of some thoughts.