I am on my night of day 2, it’s all I can think about and I don’t want to relapse. I called my boyfriend, who just agreed that he will do this with me for a month and taper off which is…whatever it’s something, he is drinking now. This is a huge problem for me, we drink together, amongst other things we drink together all the time…idk how to get passed this. He said one beer but we all know what this means…later he is either going to get himself some liquor, or go somewhere he can drink their liquor. I know I can’t ask him to do this with me but he was going to be my support and day two is almost over and he’s already shit on my sobriety. Help.
Just remember it’s your sobriety, not his. My husband is a daily drinker and I always asked him to help me. I relapsed over and over and always blamed my situation for the relapses (living with a drinker). I finally had enough and couldn’t wake up another day carrying shame guilt and anxiety after a night of drinking. So here I am at day 53 doing it mostly alone. Check in here a lot and read a lot of posts. You can get thru it, the first week is the hardest. Hang in there, it will be worth it!
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Love this. I had the same experience with my husband and my journey to sobriety. Its been so freeing doing this for me and leaving his alcohol priorities out of my needs.
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Hey, welcome!
Sounds like you know the deal, you can’t expect your bf to do this with you but it kinda sucks that he said he would and then isn’t! What’s your situation, do you live together? I’m wondering if it is an option for you to not be around him while he’s drinking, if you feel that would put your sobriety at risk, especially while you are just starting out.
It really helps me to think about the reasons why I don’t drink, what happens when I do. Spoiler alert, it’s super tragic. Find a hobby, go for a walk, get an way night and get up with the sun, fill your day… Just don’t have that first drink!
There is so much advice and support here and I’m sure you will find loads you can relate to. Search, read, reach out when you need to. This is a brilliant post with lots of info and advice which you might find helpful:
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I’m sorry you’re going through this with him… Lack of support is such a terrible feeling. But we’re all here on talking sober and so many of us can relate to what you’re going through. Write down your goals, write down why you want to be sober… Please don’t let his priorities get in your way.
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Thank you, we have been together three years and I honestly have loads of fun drinking or not with him but this feels like actually mean of him to do…he shouldn’t have told me he could or would do this with me if he had no intentions to and this is NOT the first time.
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Also we do live together…
Thank you, this is so refreshing to hear. I feel like I don’t think this is possible without my partner but I know in my heart it is. You all are so helpful…
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Boy do I feel you there. The first time I got sober for a long period of time, my boyfriend didn’t join in. His words were “I hope you dont expect me to quit drinking too”. It hurt at the time because he also has an alcohol problem. I harbored resentment that he couldn’t quit with me or that he would drink in front of me when I asked him not to. We nearly split. I was so furious with him all the time and he resented me for badgering him to do something he just isnt ready for.
The difference now is that I am doing it for me and me alone. We cant control what our partners choose to do with their lives, but we can definitely choose what we do for ours. Empowerment has to start with you.
The fact that you are conscious that alcohol isnt working for you is a huge step and I’m so happy you have come here. I’m also sorry you are experiencing difficulties with a partner who also seems to have an alcohol dependency. I know first hand how hard that is and I sympathize with you deeply. Stay strong, friend.
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You know what? Day two is almost over and I’m over it! Took a nice bath, eating some fruit…I really think I am ready for this, I begged myself for it and I think I’m gonna get it! I believe I am truly done with it and who knows if we will last and it may be trying…I feel like this sober time is a great tool for me.
I work security and I get bored a lot and having this is helpful. You guys have shown me a lot of links and it’s so wonderful! I think I am ready for something else…goodnight all!!
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If you could do two, you can do three. How do I know? Because you did two.
There are 4 adults in my house. Me, my wife, and her parents. While they are occasional, light drinkers, I am the only non-drinker. When my brother-in-law and his family visit, they are “normal drinkers”, having a beer or two, most days.
In my house, there’s a full wine rack. There’s beer in a mini-fridge. There’s a bottle or two of liquor in a cabinet, and none of this tempts me in the least.
The world drinks. Alcohol is everywhere. It’s been part of our cultures since ancient times.
I can’t change the world, and I can’t expect the world and everyone in it to change for me. I had to change, if I wanted to be free from the chains of alcohol that held me down. I had to be “in the world, but not of the world.”
And you can do this too.
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Maybe a meeting might help and make it easier wish you well
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AA for your alcohol problem.
Al-Anon for your problem with his alcohol problem.
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President Roosevelt once said, “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.”
You are wise enough to recognize that he is not helping you. This is the hardest part; you have to place some distance to save yourself. Do what you need to do for yourself, and if he doesn’t want to join you then wish him well and move on.
I hope the best for both of you. Stay strong!
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