This is what the fuck I do every day, when it is Friday I want to go do something fun. My boyfriend says go, have a few drinks, it doesn’t matter! You’ll have fun! I fuckin can’t. I fucking can’t and don’t really want to. What the fuck I want us for him to want to engage with me when it’s my Friday and his as well, with fucking out involving drinking. I hate this, I resent him for not even giving a fuck. I am in tears on the other couch in the living room ten feet away and he could care less. This is fucking hard for me, anxiety sucks, he says we’ll cook later and eat together, nah not at all. He says we will do anything I wanna do and nothing is happening. I can’t with this bull shit. I’m past dwelling on drinking I am in a mindset of doing things without it now, it feels good but it makes my boyfriend ignore me. I feel like the only thing he gives a fuck about is drinking, doing things while drinking or talking about past times when he drank. Not sure how long it’ll last, been three years and it seems ten days sober he doesn’t even want to be around me. Could care less. Just ranting, don’t really give a fuck if anyone reads this, to be real honest I feel like he doesn’t like me without alcohol, he hasn’t tried to have sexual relations…idfk dude the only out I had was alcohol and now I have like writing and reading and working out which are all fine and dandy but I would really love if I felt attractive again. He just leaves me alone for a week and a half? The thing people like when sober is sex? I mean somewhat for me it is or I feel like it could be if he gave a shit. Whatever.
Sounds like you aren’t struggling at all. Sounds like the person struggling is him. He’s struggling with your success because he feels he can’t be that strong so he’s trying to bring you back to his level. He needs to understand that this is you now. He needs to understand that if he’s not with you on this then you can’t be with him at all ! If he really loves you then he will try to change his attitude about alcohol around you. He doesn’t need to stop he just needs to stop pressuring you to drink. It will be his loss ultimately. You have so much more to gain x
Stay strong. Stay sober x
Welcome to early sobriety. It’s not all sunshine and roses.
Stopping drinking is a radical change not just for you but for him as well. Everything is gonna be jumbled for awhile. You’ll go from riding with your head in the clouds to crashing into the Earth after flying too close to the Sun.
Allow time to find your groove. Don’t place expectations on him, you can only do for yourself. You are going to have to be your own biggest supporter.
Sam sorry you are going through this … I did this exact same thing to my wife for probly 6 or 7 years…I was so worried about getting shit faced and could care less if I did much together cause she never ever drank… I mean I did lots but could of done more… Now that I’m sober I can look back and see what I was doing wrong … I feel really bad for all the nights she cooked me supper and I never ate it… Anyways I think you need to talk to him about how you feel and maybe tell him that it’s not working if that’s all he wants to do Is drink with all his spare time… I mean I’m really glad my wife stayed with me … But with the new one year old boy we have … she pretty much told me where the door is and if i keep on down the booze path I’ll find that door open… I hope something I wrote helps you… I feel your pain and hope you can find a safe path to stay on …
This shit is hard, I truly believe now that I def didn’t want to actually feel my own emotions. I want to believe one day I won’t give a fuck if he drinks around me or goes out to chill with people I can’t chill with the same way we used to. Idfk man my mind is going a million miles an hour and I feel like I can’t fucking talk to him because he is not willing to listen! Even on the phone earlier it’s like he didn’t even hear me and just went on about a different sentence and started talking about something that had nothing to do with what we had been talking about. It’s fucking irritating. I am beginning to hate the way I feel when I’m with him and idk I feel like I wasted the last three years of my life. I have told him time and time again that I seriously just need some fuckin hugs sometimes and he still acts like he doesn’t know what to do. Fuck I feel like I’m seeing red. I know this is going to sound stupid, he pays more attention to the emotional needs of my fucking dog right now. Believe me guys I fucking love my dog but I am a bit more important I would have thought. And my dog is fucking fine.
I know I can’t force him, I do know that and I don’t expect him to do it. I just…I guess I expect my fucking weekend with him(the only fucking days I see him as we work different shifts)would be a time when we could spend some time together. I guess I thought wrong.
10 days seems like 10 years to the newly sober, but it’s just a week and a half, to the partner who drinks.
You obviously love and care for him, or his indifference wouldn’t have you so twisted up.
There’s an old saying: Women hope to change the men they love. Men hope the women they love never change.
There’s another old saying: Those compelled against their will, are of the same opinion still.
Your sobriety journey is yours to walk, so walk it. You cannot walk your path and pull him along. Just keep walking. The more that you grow, the better you that you become, the further away you will appear. He will have to make a choice, that only he can make: walk with you, sit where he is, or strike out on his own path. Only one of these choices includes you.
But don’t look that far down your own path, for it is a long walk. One day at a time. He can’t see the positive changes in you yet. Show him that you keep getting better at getting better each and every day. He just might have that moment of clarity where he decides to want what you have, sobriety, or to want to be a part of your sober life.
I can completely relate to your situation. I just ended my 9 year relationship because I felt that the booze was the other woman. He would much rather drink at his place alone or go to his buddies to drink, especially after I got sober. His excessive drinking was one of the main reasons I chose to get sober. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this too. Please feel free to private message me if there is anything I can do for help you!
Wow!
I could have almost written your post. We have so many similarities! Im even star sign Aquarius ha!
My boyfriend made a comment to me last week,when hes asking me to drink " your not an alcoholic" what cus his version of an alcoholic has to be drinking in a park with a brown bag midday.
Lets ask any one on here if drinking till you black out most weeks. Have a hangover most days.Losing jobs. Cutting your arms when drunk. Smashing doors in . Having anxiety so bad you cant leave house for days. And stealing bottles of ALCOHOL from shops. Is a normal drinker. Then i know my boyfriend is deluded. Im sorry to say but your partner is to. Anyone who has to make a conscious decision to quit drink knows there is a problem. And our partners who say they love us should be supporting us.
I to feel like our relashionship was/is based on drinking more than i realised. Its starting to feel this way and its scary af.
Why arnt they emotionally supporting us?.i really dont know.x
Ten days seems like 10 years is right, I can not stress that enough. I don’t know how to relay this to him except for just blurt it out cuz that’s what I’ve been doing to keep from bottling up all of my feelings like I used to and top it off with booze. It worked for him I guess but it stopped working for me. Idk I can’t think about him it’s my sobriety and I don’t fucking care if he’s with me or not but I hope he could be with me eventually. Shit.
Thank you so much for saying this, this is frustrating for me cuz I thought or think I love him…idfk maybe he’s just a good drinking friend and has no real interest in starting a life with me which btw he should fucking SAY TO ME but he doesn’t ever say anything.
@Aquarius102
So sorry you are going thru this difficult time. I discovered new hobbies and interests when I got sober. Make a list of things you would like to do or try. Then, go for it. If bf joins you…awesome. If not, there’s your sign. Also, you could make a separate list of things to do together.
Take care of yourself during this transition to a better life. You can do this!
Maybe he was always like this, but you didn’t notice. I will say you have feelings and intuition for a reason. You can either choose to ignore them or take action. I would suggest you compose your emotions and determine the right course of action with sobriety being your priority. Things only get better when you take action just like with our drinking problems.
You totally will figure this out! Stay strong. Hugs.
Sorry girl! But,has he just got sober to,or is it only you? If he got the same issues/problems with alcohol,that might be your awnser right there… Then i would talk to him and give it one more try. If not,fuck it. Go out,have fun,meet new people.And do what you want and deserve. You’ll find that there’s a bunch of guys out there that will give you the attension you need and make you feel special,like you are the only girl in the world… Don’t give up on staying sober,no matter what. This is your life,you’ll only get one. Use it wisely. And have a great sunday;-) Best wishes…
Forget the alcohol, if you take that out of the picture, you have a partner who is not responsive to your emotional needs. He’s not doing it on purpose and it’s not because he’s a selfish asshole, it’s because he’s a man. I used to be the same way, my wife always says, all I needed was a hug, and you never gave it to me. It took 15 years of hearing that before it sunk in.
My advice, take it or leave it…
Write down how you feel, what your needs are and how your partner could respond to your needs. Like: On nights when this happens, it makes me feel like that and when I feel like that, I just really want a hug from you, that will help me and then we could go do …
After writing it down, wait until a later time when things are calm and let him read it. That way you can share your thoughts without saying anything you dont want to and he hears all what you have to say.
