My brain is trying trick me to drink

Hi everyone, hope your all doing well and thank you for reading and all the support i have received over the past 53 days.

I didnt drink for 8 years until a year and half ago, lots of sad stuff happened and is still not resolved in my family, i have 2 children i am 36.

My son is 19yrs old and my daughter 13yrs old.

A year and a half ago my daughters father never returned her home from her visit to his house.
I called the police, social services (who never been involved before) all of which told me they cannot do anything i have to go to court.

So cut a long story short,
I am in the middle of a court case trying ro get my daughter back, i havent spoken to or seen her since they day he took her she was 11 almost 12 at the time.
We have had no communication as he hasnt allowed it.

This has been the most saddening part of my life i am greiving the loss of my child who is still here so the pain does not end.

This situation is the reason i picked up a drink after 8 years, and 53 days ago after a long year and a half of drinking alone in my room, i realised i had to stop im drinking myself to death to numb the feelings of pain missing my daughter and to try to function and smile for my son who is still with me.

Iv actually felt alot better the past 53 days alot less anxious.
But today i have woken up and i really fancy a drink, i keep telling myself if i can wait until tonight and just have a few glasses of wine normally then dont for another few weeks… well i know im trying to fool myself and i wont drink.
Im not going to have a drink, i will not let myself down, i just thought i needed to reach out and let someone out there know how i am feeling and whats been going on so it doesnt manifest more in my head.

I really miss my daughter so much, and feel extremely tearfull today. The only way to get through each day is to not think about the situation and that makes me feel so guilty and sad and my brain thinks having a drink will help me get through today and make me feel better but i know it wont.

Coping is so hard. The past 53 days i have coped much better but today i am struggling with my emotions, i dont want to drink i just want the hurt and pain to ease enough for me to get out of bed today.
My dr knows my situation and i suffer from anxiety and depression at the moment.

It doesn’t help all the xmas adverts on tv etc… triggers that send my emotions to break me inside, i dont go out much as everything reminds me and makes me sad, i dont watch tv anymore as songs adverts etc… trigger me to break down.
Feeling very lonely and sad like im the only mum feeling this when i know i am not and would not wish this pain on any one.

I feel better for writing it all down.
Have a lovely day every one :slightly_smiling_face:

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Hi. Just don’t drink today! Take it slow and steady. I’m so sorry that you are going through this and I can feel your pain through your words. I want you to know that you are not alone! We are right here with you. You stand the best chance of getting your daughter back if you are totally sober. Are you on meds for your depression? If so the alcohol stops them doing their job properly but the fact that you are not drinking will allow them to fully do the job they are supposed to do. Time is the best possible thing here my sober friend. I wish I could take away your pain. Please don’t drink, it will not help in anyway. It takes 66 days for your brain to make a new neuro pathway (habit). Your brain is slowly getting used to you not drinking. Your body is healing. It would be such a shame for that to all have to start again. I’m sending you strength and love and I will pray for you and your family. I completely understand the desire to numb the pain as I fight this every day along side you. It will not help! Stay here with us today, keep talking and keep taking it one step at a time. If you will, I will!!! :pray:t2::two_hearts::two_hearts::two_hearts::two_hearts:

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I always find expressing my emotions in art, helps me the most I don’t usually do anything but use a black pen to draw, but maybe there are some ways your brain and yourself can cope with this loss that is plauging you right now. I know you can make it through this, and it’s probably difficult for think about much else, but once your mind has found something different to occupy your time with, it will become clear.

I know my drinking, never solved my problems. I always thought I probably looked foolish to everyone else, but I had to quit for myself and my health.

I do hope you feel better! :pray: :heart:

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I am so sorry you are going through this. It’s horrible and my heart breaks for you. Of course you want to numb the pain. It’s normal to want to make pain go away. But alcohol will NOT do that. It will make it worse in multiple ways. It’s a depressant so it will make your depression and anxiety worse. You will feel ashamed when you sober up. You’ll have a hangover.
Instead of drinking consider doing some self care. Nothing over ambitious as you have limited energy. Play some happy or calming music. A hot bath with essential oils you like. A cup of hot tea or cocoa. Sit in the sunshine for a bit if the sun is out where you live. Tag into a Zoom AA meeting.

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You’ve been doing so well these 53 days. I can see why as you’re approaching a milestone, the 60-day mark, your brain is trying to trick you into thinking that your life was better with alcohol. But you know that’s a lie.

To my knowledge, this is the first time you’ve shared this part of your story with us. Thankful that you can feel safe with us. I’m truly sorry that you’re going through all of this with your daughter. I have 2 daughters, ages 10 and 14. I’m not sure if I could have handled this situation as well as you have.

I do believe that you’ll see your daughter again. And that she’ll see you sober. Don’t lose hope.

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Thank you everyone for your support, it really means alot :slightly_smiling_face:

Yes this is the first time sharing this part of my story with you all, hard as it is to share, it is my story and facing it and accepting it will help me some how, keeping it in and pretending its not happening feels like a danger to my sobriety.

I decided to take a few hours extra sleep hoping il wake up feeling better which i have. I still dont want to get out of bed today but i have eaten and just watching tv in bed is maybe just what i need for today. I am busy all through the week days and i have to learn to let my mind and body rest without draining them, and constantly feeling sad when im trying to relax or am bymyself.

Its felt like lifting a weight off my shoulders just opening up to you all, im so gratefull for all your kind words and support. It has made me feel less isolated and less alone.
Thank you so so much.
:hugs::hugs::hugs:

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Just take it easy on yourself and do your best not to concentrate too much on the past or the future stay present and do what you can to be comfortable. Be mindful of what your feelings and isolation bring to your life. I know what its like not being able to see my kids and it can bring any parent to their knees. Keep a positive mind set and dont let the thought of a drink to numb the pain make you get off track with your sobriety. 53 days your making great progress! Keep it up one step at a time we’re here for you any way we can be, thanks your reaching out, it helps when we start to feel vulnerable alone and afraid to know that theres help to make it through the day.

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Thank you,

It really does help to know your all here.
Your definitely correct about not concentrating too much on the past or future, this is when i tend to get on an emotional rollercoaster and then just feel emotionally broken.
I hope i can be as great help to everyone as you all have been for me.

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Thank you for opening up and sharing more about your situation. I don’t know how I would cope if I couldn’t see my daughter so I give you a ton of credit for choosing sobriety. I’m glad you decided not to drink. A day in bed with TV sounds like a great plan instead. Sending you strength and good vibes.

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Hi everyone,
Iv woken up today feeling alot more positive and extremely greatfull i am sober 54 days now!

I plan to go out today to get some food shopping and cook something from scratch to keep myself busy then reward myself with eating it later :relaxed:

You all helped me get through yesterday im sure you all know how much that means :hugs:

Im glad im here and i am glad you all are too.
Thank you so so much.

Its an amazing feeling knowing you are all here, i cant put it into words.

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I am pleased to read that you feel better today. I have been thinking about you quite abit. This place is amazing! And I’m so glad that we have this safe, supportive space in Which we can help each other. TOGETHER WE ARE STRONGER!!! :pray:t2::two_hearts:

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I went grocery shopping yesterday and spent alot of money. As much as i would spend out on the town partying sometimes blows my mind, realize how much time and money ive spent on my addictions. At lease ill be able to enjoy the food and actually eat, its rough when i was deep in it and didnt really take care of my health. Im so greatful that im recovering from that despair.

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Yeah, if I had not spent so much money on my addictions, I probably would have several bitcoin by now. Sadly. Slowly getting back on track

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Very happy to read this!! Put a smile on my face :grinning: I hope you have the most amazing day filled with lots of self care because you deserve it!!

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