My character defects and anxiety almost cost me my job today. At 14 months sober anxiety comes and goes and for the most part I have tools to deal with it. But today it was overwhelming. I work in a restaurant so that’s pretty normal. And lots of things get said in the heat of the moment but most of the time we understand it’s just because we have 20 tickets in the window and things are happening all over the place in different areas of the restaurant and we’re busy. But today was bad and the biggest mistake was just not communicating. But it’s difficult because telling a manager you’re struggling with anxiety is not like saying you have coronavirus or the stomach flu. Even though there’s not as much stigma it’s still not the same thing and it’s still not like well maybe you should go home and figure this out and get better. I tried to push through. But then it became to where I was hyperventilating and I ended up throwing up in the bathroom. So I was in there for a while and when I came back to the dish pit the dishwasher starts yelling at me and asking where I was. Saying I’ve been gone for seven songs that’s how long. I just ignored him because I didn’t want to blow up because of not feeling good or thinking properly. and I figured he would let it go if I just went back to hustling like I normally do. But then he wouldn’t let it go. And I even said in the last 10 months how many times have I disappeared for 20 or 30 minutes And he said never. I said well there you go maybe you should just let it go and we’ll talk about it later. Then he started yelling at me some more and making up lies and cussing at me so I really let my character defects come out and I just blew up. We got into a full-blown yelling match in the back of the restaurant while servers and other people pretty much just watched and then I grabbed my bag and tried to clock out and quit because that’s my old way of doing things and I ended up talking to the manager and we ended up talking things out. But it was really hard to not quit and just walk away because that’s the easy thing to do. I admitted that I should’ve communicated that I wasn’t feeling good mentally and then afterwards physically. Me and the other dishwasher talked it out and afterwards actually kind of laughed about it because that has never happened in 10 months and we actually get along really well. But regardless I still feel really stupid and exhausted. My job told me to take tomorrow off which I’m definitely going to do. And I am scheduled to be off Monday anyway. But this is after the fact of blowing up they’re telling me to take tomorrow. Maybe I’m assuming but I don’t think that would’ve happened if I told them this morning that I’m struggling with anxiety today. The only blessing is that through this whole entire thing not a single time have I thought about getting opiates or alcohol. I know that’s not the solution. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about just not even coming back on Tuesday. It doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about just calling them back and saying screw off And I’ll find another job. But that really is the old way of doing things. I guess there is some other stress factors that come and go at my job. But I’m trying to remember washing dishes is temporary and when I get off probation I’ll have more options because I will not be a convicted felon because of my plea deal and I won’t have to check off being on probation. This job is temporary. I’m writing this out for accountability and to be honest with the community. I’m also going to talk to my sponsor. I’m going to lean on my program and understand this anxiety is not 24 seven and it’s not every day. Sometimes I go months without panic attacks. I really don’t want to even go back there on Tuesday. But I think that’s the right thing to do. My head is spinning right now. I’m probably going to get on my bike and go for a ride and definitely will be going to the 6 o’clock meeting tonight. I’m not perfect. I do stupid things. I’m trying to learn. And I’m pretty sure everybody at work understands. The only thing is that I regret saying that everything was on me and the dishwasher didn’t do anything wrong but I just didn’t want the drama so I took the blame for everything. But common sense would’ve made him realize that somethings going on and maybe we can discuss it later especially when it never happens. I don’t know I’m fucking tired. That’s the language I feel like using right now. Thanks for letting me talk this out. I know I’ll be going to bed sober tonight. I guess that’s all that matters
Definitely will be doing a step 10 inventory tonight Even though I Already Promptly admitted my wrongs at work before I left. I still need to go over this day and get it on paper specifically where I went wrong for my own personal journals. and probably a mini 4th with my sponsor about this new resentment with my co worker . Will go to the meeting at six. I’m just trying to stay in today I’m not going to worry about tomorrow
Hey @bluekoolaid_88
It sounds to me like you absolutely behaved differently than you would have in the past- it takes a lot of strength of character to talk these things out, even if it takes some time to feel calm enough to get there. Anxiety can be incredibly overwhelming and when it manifests physically it’s absolutely debilitating. You aren’t alone in experiencing that. I think it’s really admirable that you can look at yourself and your sobriety after such a stressful day and find ways to grow from it.
Thank you for reaching out. I definitely handled things differently afterwards but I guess I could’ve did better in the beginning or initially. Even though this didn’t cause me to relapse and I know I’m not going to I still feel like I went backwards in my recovery like six months. In a matter of a couple hours. But then again maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow morning with a different perspective. The panic attacks and anxiety is not every day but when it does happen it feels like the walls are caving in and I feel trapped and my old way of doing things is just leaving or using and drinking. So it’s different trying to just push through with my tools and net work and recovery program. Like I have to actually feel this and be OK with it. I talked to the coworker again a little bit ago on the phone and everything is good with us. We actually get along really well that’s why our argument today and fight was surprising but I think we both have similar personalities so that’s why it went down like it did. I’m very high strung and serious when things need to be serious. And this coworker is as well. But also I do realize some of the things I struggle with is just character defects like perfectionism and just overworking myself. I’m trying to understand why my anxiety was so bad today and maybe it’s just being exhausted but it’s hard for me to tell when I’m tired. I shared in a meeting recently that I’m still struggling with learning to relax and take breaks in life. Even on my days off I don’t know how to just sit down. Like I said I’m not perfect and I’m learning .I do want to continue to improve and learn how to handle difficult situations better but I’m OK with the fact that I care a lot. I don’t want to be one of those people that don’t give a shit. Not sure if any of this makes sense. My head is still spinning a little bit but it’s not as bad. I talked to my sponsor I did some writing and step work and I’m about to go to a meeting. Probably try to find a movie to watch afterwards and try to forget about all of this for a couple hours.
Sorry you had such a tough day. I can relate to the stress of high paced food industry settings and it can be brutal some days. You are human though We all freak out sometimes and sounds like you realized you needed to slow down and talk it out with your boss and now that you are feeling a bit calmer you probably have some ideas on how to handle things differently next time as well. Make sure to use some of these next 2 days for self care as it definitely sounds like you could use it.
Hey there, I can relate to your situation. Sometimes my anxiety leads me to poor choices, like quitting jobs and hiding from everything. Hopefully the meds I take for it help me. My anxiety physically crippled me as well. I’m only 57 days sober so I’m early in sobriety again. It definitely helps to talk to someone about it. I’m still learning about my character defects as well. The most important thing you did was not to drink over it. I used too as well. I currently see a therapist as well, who is helping me with how to deal with my anxiety. I can’t overcome it without help. Just remember one day at a time and don’t pick up. Keep getting that crap out in the open.
Thank you for reaching out. I talked to my manager and boss because I really don’t want to quit or do anything impulsive. That’s just my old way of doing things Creeping its head back up. And I’m glad I did talk about it and get things right with a coworker and do some AA work because now I realize that would’ve been ridiculous losing my job over a argument. I definitely need to take a mental health day especially tomorrow. I don’t know how to do that but I need to
First I want to say congrats on 57 days. And that’s awesome you’re getting help through medication and therapy. And you’re right all we can do is take things one day at a time and not react Impulsively or do things like we used to. It’s all a learning process. All my problems are not going to disappear in 14 months And I’m still human. Today I can see both sides of the situation and how I Could’ve handled things better. That’s progress. And I just saw the new schedule got sent out for the week and same hours. I know they do care about me there and I’m grateful things could’ve went a different way today but they didn’t. Mostly because of talking. I talked to the manager and owner and the coworker, talked To my sponsor, to some people in my net work and people that aren’t even in AA or addiction. And I reached out to the community. Still don’t feel 100% but I feel better than I did a couple hours ago. Very grateful
A good starting point is just picking some things that make you feel relaxed and happy. Favourite movies , get out for a bike ride or a hike, play your guitar treat yourself to your favourite food. Literally whatever makes you feel a bit more peaceful. The main thing is too focus on you and set aside all the “other stuff” for a day.
Thank you I know this might seem like simple suggestions but I do need to hear this. Sometimes I feel guilty having days like this but I seriously need to take this advice and do something relaxing for myself tomorrow you listed a lot of good options. I haven’t really had a day like that in a while. I need to refresh mentally and physically. Thanks again. I’ll definitely update the community especially tomorrow. As time passes I do feel like I am feeling better. I think today was improvement and progress even though it was Also a strange day. And really I didn’t even have a bad day. I just had a bad few hours
I really need to take it easy tomorrow. Every single day off for the last year I literally say I’m going to relax and give myself a break and it’s just go-go go all day.
I get it I also need reminders as I get so caught up taking care of everyone else I tend to put myself on the back burner and completely forget to take care of me . Have a good evening and enjoy a peaceful day tomorrow
Thank you so much. I really am putting action into my life and trying to learn every day. I seriously was so naïve back in the day or I’m not sure if that is the right word but I used to think that if you complete the steps then nothing bad happens anymore and everything is peaches and cream!! That’s not the case. Life still happens and sometimes I go back to old behaviors. I don’t have to relapse to go back to old behaviors or old thinking. But I have the tools to examine my day and steps to learn how to handle the situation. I did everything I could to protect my sobriety before and after the fact. Just going to read around on here for a couple hours and get a good nights sleep.I’ll deal with tomorrow when it comes
I hope you have/had a restful sleep, the day sounds exhausting.
Congrats on talking it out, on not quitting, on working on yourself
We are human, we do get overwhelmed, anxiety can hit hard. I’m glad you accept your day off and take care of your mental health. Sending you kind, calming vibes to relax body, mind & soul.
Unlearning & re-modeling patterns takes time. With every cycle you come out quicker, it’s less intense, you install other ways of dealing with a situation. You did fine, bonus: you reflect and learn from it too. That’s a great work and it will lead to changes, step by step. Please give yourself some grace and patience. When you need some, please allow me to give to you as I think you are constantly trying to do your best.
You are serious about your recovery, you are grateful for your job with bosses also sober, you do your job really well, you are reliable, you take care. Maybe it’s time for a bit more self-care.
I don’t know where this post actually went, I just want to say you are not alone, your struggles are normal, you are putting great effort into living a good life under the circumstances given and your grow is remarkable. Have 2 hopefully relaxing days off
Thank you for reaching out and your positive words. I really am trying my best and I’m not sure if I’m being too hard on myself or not. I’m trying to make the right decisions right now. I’ve been unable to sleep because I can’t leave the work stuff at work right now. I feel stupid for my behavior and this is the first major incident of me acting out in my sobriety this time. But I think I’m learning from it and hopefully I’m growing. It’s 4:30 in the morning and I still was not able to sleep so I joined two zoom AA meetings In a row and I shared and also listened. I’ve done everything I can do in the last day and a half and I reached out to everybody in my net work, I went to one in person meeting after the incident at work, Went for a bike ride, did some journaling, communicating on here. I just hope I’m mentally good by Tuesday. I hope I have the courage to walk back in that place even though part of me still has things to say to this coworker but it’s not worth it. I’m not perfect and I’m trying to learn how to do things the right way. Or pick my battles. What else can I even do. Maybe just do nothing and be OK with the feelings. I guess I’ll sleep eventually.
May I suggest something I came over and haven’t used in a while? Fake it till you make it.
Predend you are an ordinary adult with an ordinary job, you do nice, ordinary things like sleep, eat, bike ride and like that you walk through your day and to work next week. Everybody has a bad day sometimes. Nothing special about
I hope this mindset example helps a bit to feel more comfortable
@bluekoolaid_88. Other said it very well. You had a tough day at work and you stay sober. That is good! We all have our moments and especially in the restaurant business when you are super busy!
Try and give yourself some grace! We attend to be harder on ourselves. Sounds like you coworker and bosses realize you had a moment. and so did your coworker which I’m sure your boss realizes that too.
I was a restaurant manager for years and things can get a little tense at times. It kind of comes with the business.
On Tuesday, you will go in to work and I’m sure it will be like nothing ever happened.
I may not been say it well but mean well. Please give yourself some grace, you are human! You did the right things and did not let that the moment take you down.
Strong , my friend! Sobriety does make life better, not always easy but better!!
You have come along ways! And you should be very proud of yourself. You are definitely inspiration to me and I’m sure a lots of other that have come here to get better.
My anxiety still gets me sometimes. Most of the time its lack of making time to eat something good for me, and too much caffeine. I take deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth. I remind myself that i have anxiety. It helps give me a reality check.
My anxiety attacks aren’t nearly as bad as they used to be, but they can hit pretty hard. I get paranoid. Anxiety sucks! I have gotten better at calming myself down.
I think you did great. At the end of the day, you worked it out. It turned into healthy communication.
Thank you very much for being able to relate and helping put things into perspective for me. I think I probably did skip meals that day. I do tend to drink caffeine for energy or my mood and sometimes it does make me paranoid or make my symptoms worse. I really haven’t had a bad anxiety day in a long time. I realize that even though I’m not thinking about this incident as much as I did yesterday I realize that if I’m thinking about my behaviors still I need to let it go and give myself some grace like you guys say because everyone else at work probably already forgot about it. It’s a restaurant and most people working in there are high strung.. Or have some kind of issues they’re either dealing with or they’re not. I’m going to go in Tuesday and work hard like I always do. If I’m being honest I slept most of today. I’m not going to apologize for that. I never take the day to sleep and I clearly need it. Then I just got out of a meeting Which was open discussion. Going to bike up to the burrito place I like a lot and find a movie to watch. Even though I’m off tomorrow I’ll probably try to get back to a more normal routine. Thank you for everyone that reached out on this thread.
Also yesterday was the first time I ever did a zoom meeting. After everything I went through I still was in my head a bunch at night time pretty late and I download Zoom and also some apps that have 24 seven meetings all over the world. It was really cool and I joined three Meetings in a row. This will be good for When it’s too late to go to in person. I actually talked to a few different people and got their numbers and now I have more people in my net work. Before one of the meetings at like three in the morning there was something called the parking lot and it was just a bunch of people talking and getting to know each other. I also was able to reach out to a few people in the chat that were struggling with very early recovery or sobriety. Grateful for technology
sending lots of love
, my friend! Sobriety does make life better, not always easy but better!!