My first time gambling was when I was 10, my dad would bring me to my local Chinese restaurant. And sit me down next to a keno slot machine and would let me gamble $10 playing keno. I always would get excited when we won because I could stick the money in the piggy bank my grandmother gave me that used to belong to my late grandfather that died in 1985. To this day it’s all I have left of my grandmother and grandfather’s possessions. I would spend the money on fishing equipment and candy. Forward six years I truly developed the addiction myself as a diner that was open 24/7 had a casino that would allow me to gamble underage. Fast forward to age 18 I became fully addicted as i was finally of legal age to gamble anywhere I pleased in my state. By this time I was into alcohol and gambling heavily. My dear friend ash that i dated off and on for years got murdered by her partner and it got covered up as a suicide. I ended up getting into serious trouble because of my alcohol issues and gambling problems stemming from depression. and went on probation all while working for the state hospital as a psychiatric technician. Which became hypocritical because I was helping every one of my patients while I remained hopeless in helping myself. I was no longer able to go to casinos but I continued my addiction through fake money online casinos. Fast forward 3 years I got off of probation and even relocated to a state where gambling was illegal, even got hired in another mental health position. Shorty after the state legalized gambling through horse racing. Shortly awhile after I started spending plenty of my money gambling in these establishments. I wrecked my car which was very precious to me (memory of my dear friend in the car.) I kept her obituary under my passenger visor. I hit a deer at 90mph, my cars recalled airbag exploded and sliced my arm with metal fragments, which could’ve been deadly on its own, my hood was smashed to the windshield but i still regained control of my car that was skidding sideways. I managed to pull over without another collision. The air was knocked out of me from the impact and airbag, and I felt pain and ash’s presence simultaneously it was so vivid it was as if she was next to me… not having that car anymore took a toll on me. I loved that car so much. Then I kept gambling with any extra money I had to myself. Just hoping I could hit that jackpot to replace my car with a nicer newer version. Well the jackpot came I won over 4 grand and slapped the money on a car salemans desk for my cars replacement, coincidentally on the birthday of my dear friend 4 years after she died. I lost complete control after that jackpot I thought I was invincible, spent my rent money and took out payday loans, pawned my gun and tv. I couldn’t even pay the taxes on my car I bought. I had to borrow money to do so. I spent more money gambling probably 10k after the jackpot. Behind on every bill I had to my name. I finally have 28 days sober thanks to this app. I’ve never stepped foot in a G.A meeting although I plan on it when I can. Please share your stories under this thread as if it’s your first time in G.A. as this is exactly what I’m going to say when I finally get a chance to make my first meeting. Remember these casinos are built for the owners, not for us to make a dream or a profit. I’m no longer the hopeless mental health professional hypocrite. Party thanks to my dear friend, guardian angel ASH, she gave me my car back and spiraled me to rock bottom so I could see the light at the other end of the tunnel. “Sometimes god let’s you hit rock bottom, so you will discover he is the rock at the bottom”.
3-95~4-14 the dash
I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning… to the end. He noted that first came the date of birth, and spoke the following date with tears. But he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years. For that dash represents all of the time that they spent alive on earth. And now only those who loved them know what that little was worth. For it matters not, how much we own. The cars… the house the cash. What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash. So, think about this long and hard. Are there things you’d like to change? For you never know how much time is left that can still be rearranged. If we could just slow down enough to consider what’s true and real and always try to understand the way other people feel. And be less quick to anger and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before. If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile, remembering that this special dash might only last a little while. So, when your eulogy is being read, with your lives actions to rehash… would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent YOUR DASH?
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If you are having trouble finding GA you would be welcome in AA. I see that you said you had issues with booze as well. Even if gambling is your main vice the principals of AA can help.
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I’ve been to many A.A. meetings. I know the 12 step program wholeheartedly working in mental health. I just haven’t made it to a G.A meeting.
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I really needed to hear this today (the dash). Thank you. And I am so very sorry about your friend. I work in violence against women and know what a scourge this is without much justice for the lives taken. Wishing you peace and love.
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